IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education.To what extent do you agree?

#government #budget #arts #money #education
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A prevalent trend today is that governments allocate more funding to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
arts
Change the noun form
art
show examples
 courses and activities. While some
people
 think
this
money
 should be used to
further
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional
education
, I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art is part of
education
 and have an important role in
people
's development. On the one hand, investing more
money
 in
education
 will have several advantages.
To begin
 with,
this
money
 could provide a better learning environment. Schools or universities can import many advanced facilities,
such
 as computers, robotics and artificial intelligence devices, offering students cutting-edge studying conditions.
Furthermore
, the increasing budgets can stimulate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
academic progress. Some colleges are affected by the limited financial situation, which cannot allow them to offer good salaries for tutors or professors.
However
, if the government could give more
money
 to
education
, it will make employing excellent tutors possible.
On the other hand
, funding
the
Correct article usage
apply
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art is
also
 a vital thing and will complement the drawbacks of traditional
education
.
Firstly
, art courses are beneficial to students' comprehensive development.
For example
, students who learn
the
Correct article usage
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architectural design need to know the aesthetics, the
architecture
Replace the word
architectural
show examples
 history and the culture behind buildings, which will give them another perspective to understand our living environment rather than only considering the environment from a materialistic view.
Secondly
, it is necessary to cultivate art-relating abilities. Arts,
such
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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drawing and sculpture, will encourage
people
's creativity, which is important to
the
Correct article usage
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human development. In conclusion,
although
 I can understand why some
people
 believe the government should increase the budget
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
education
, I believe investing in arts is equally important.
Submitted by mingxin.li on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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