IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people claim that too much focus and resources have been spent to protect wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, most countries are making efforts to protect wildlife
animals
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.
However
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, it is argued that the government wastes a large amount of its budget and resources to save endangered
species
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. I completely disagree with
this
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 point of view and in
this
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 essay, I will support my opinion with examples. To commence with, spending money and resources on the protection of
animals
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 is not sufficient because there is an ecological imbalance in the
environment
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. To explain, every creature present in the
environment
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 is dependent on other creatures for their living and feeding, making a life cycle balance.
Therefore
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, it becomes essential to pay attention towards endangered
animals
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 and birds.
For instance
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, butterflies help in the pollination of plants but these days farmers opt for different alternatives of pollination as butterflies have almost disappeared from the
environment
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. Another worth considering factor is the importance of
animals
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 and birds as sources of tourism and employment industry. To elaborate, there are many
species
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 which are on the verge of extinction, and just a few of those are protected in zoos and other safe places which are a great source of earning money when people from different parts of the world come to visit these kinds of places.
For example
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, several
species
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 like cranes, vultures and parrots are at high risk of dying out because the authorities didn't realise and paid attention to their significance.
Hence
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, the allocation of the budget is not enough to protect endangered
species
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.
To conclude
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, I believe that the contribution of authorities to protect wildlife is not enough and they must allocate more resources and money to save endangered
species
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 so that they can be beneficial for the tourism industry and ecological balance in the
environment
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.

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your position, but it should also preview the main points. The body paragraphs are well-structured, but make sure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Furthermore, try to enhance the connection between ideas with diverse transition words and phrases.
task achievement
You have addressed the question and presented a clear opinion, yet more elaboration on why the resources allocated are insufficient would strengthen your argument. Ensure each paragraph expands on a core idea that supports your view. Include more specific examples or data to substantiate your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • wildlife conservation
  • ecosystem preservation
  • sustainable development
  • biodiversity
  • habitat destruction
  • ecological balance
  • ethical responsibility
  • economic benefits
  • endangered species
  • poaching
  • education and awareness
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