IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In recent years, television has contributed most to changing the quality of life of ordinary people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#years #television #quality #life #people
Nowadays, many
people
 believe that the invention of television promotes the
quality
 of
life
 for ordinary
people
 more than any other
inventions
Fix the agreement mistake
invention
show examples
. In my opinion, I completely agree that
TV
 has the most positive impact on
life
 for
average
Add an article
the average
show examples
 person from different areas.
Firstly
, the
TV
 is the primary source of entertainment, families always watching
TV
 together. It is the most common and usual way to spend time when families are gathering together
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 weekends or festivals. Watching
TV
 together not only develop
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
bonding among the family members
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
,
Add the word(s)
but,
show examples
also
 is a way to find
people
 who have the same interest, which means it helps
people
 to expand their social group. Another point to consider
TV
 has contributed more than any other
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
quality
 of
life
 of ordinary
people
 is that narrowing the difference of
people
 around the
people
, which might accelerate the process of globalization.
In other words
, there is no platform to let ordinary
people
 from different countries and different cultures
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
know the
people
 on the other side of the
world
 before
TV
 was invented. With the development
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
TV
, the
quality
 of
TV
 programs has become better and better.
For instance
, the Olympics, one of the biggest sports competitions around the
world
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has benefited from the development of
TV
. Different athletes from different countries around the
world
 could show their cultures and personalities to the
world
, which let everyone from different could feel
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
though
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
TV
. No matter who you are, you can enjoy the same visual entertainment as the top level of
people
, which promotes the
quality
 of
life
 of ordinary
people
. In conclusion, I would say that the invention of television has contributed more than any other
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
quality
 of
life
 of ordinary
people
.
Submitted by so163uh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • revolutionized
  • access
  • information
  • platform
  • entertainment
  • escapism
  • awareness
  • exposure
  • cultures
  • improved
  • education
  • learning opportunities
  • development
  • news
  • journalism
What to do next:
Look at other essays: