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Band 5

In recent years, television has contributed most to changing the quality of life of ordinary people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#years #television #quality #life #people
Nowadays, many
people
 believe that the invention of television promotes the
quality
 of
life
 for ordinary
people
 more than any other
inventions
Fix the agreement mistake
invention
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. In my opinion, I completely agree that
TV
 has the most positive impact on
life
 for
average
Add an article
the average
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 person from different areas.
Firstly
, the
TV
 is the primary source of entertainment, families always watching
TV
 together. It is the most common and usual way to spend time when families are gathering together
in
Change preposition
at
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 weekends or festivals. Watching
TV
 together not only develop
a
Remove the article
apply
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bonding among the family members
Remove the comma
apply
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,
Add the word(s)
but,
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also
 is a way to find
people
 who have the same interest, which means it helps
people
 to expand their social group. Another point to consider
TV
 has contributed more than any other
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
quality
 of
life
 of ordinary
people
 is that narrowing the difference of
people
 around the
people
, which might accelerate the process of globalization.
In other words
, there is no platform to let ordinary
people
 from different countries and different cultures
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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know the
people
 on the other side of the
world
 before
TV
 was invented. With the development
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
TV
, the
quality
 of
TV
 programs has become better and better.
For instance
, the Olympics, one of the biggest sports competitions around the
world
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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has benefited from the development of
TV
. Different athletes from different countries around the
world
 could show their cultures and personalities to the
world
, which let everyone from different could feel
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
through
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though
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
TV
. No matter who you are, you can enjoy the same visual entertainment as the top level of
people
, which promotes the
quality
 of
life
 of ordinary
people
. In conclusion, I would say that the invention of television has contributed more than any other
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
quality
 of
life
 of ordinary
people
.
Submitted by so163uh on

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • revolutionized
  • access
  • information
  • platform
  • entertainment
  • escapism
  • awareness
  • exposure
  • cultures
  • improved
  • education
  • learning opportunities
  • development
  • news
  • journalism
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