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Writing Samples
Band 5

The education of young people is highly prioritized in many countries. However, educating adults who cannot write or read is even more important and governments should spend more money on this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#education #people #countries #adults #governments #money
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The importance of
education
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 for all members of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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 is undeniable. The more
people
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 have
literacy
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 in a
society
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, the better condition the
society
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 has in various areas
such
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 as economics and politics. I strongly believe that efficient rules must be determined which
lead
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leads
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 every individual in
society
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 to take the steps in
education
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 and earn a basic knowledge in every
part
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 of science and literature. In the following paragraphs, it will be discussed
that
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apply
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why
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adults
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adult
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education
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 is very important and what would happen if authorities do not determine a proper solution to provide them with
education
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.
Firstly
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, the population of
people
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with
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between
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 the
age
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aged
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between
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of
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 20 to 40 has a vital place in every
society
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. In fact, they constitute
the
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an
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 active
part
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 of
the
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apply
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society
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which
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and
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is
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are
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 expected to play an important role in
industry
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the industry
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.
In other words
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, there might be a huge number of
adults
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 in a
country
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 that are not able to find a proper job due to
the
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a
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 lack of
literacy
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. Based on
evidences
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evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
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, in Japan, which is a high-tech
country
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 with developed
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factories
factors
factoris
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factors
 and improved industries, nearly 98
percents
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per cent
show examples
 of the
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population
poulation
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population
 have the ability to read and write.
On the contrary
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, the mentioned rate is about 60
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
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percents
Correct your spelling
per cent
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 in a developing
country
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 with a low level of economical situation
such
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 as Iran.
Thus
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, the importance of
Use synonyms
adults
Change the noun form
adult
show examples
education
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 is unneglectable in every
country
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 and
further
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 actions must be taken for their
education
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,
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otherwise
Add a comma
,otherwise
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 the
country
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 would confront
with
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apply
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major problems.
Secondly
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,
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Correct article usage
the adults
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adults
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adult
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 population is likely to become parents in near future. As a matter of fact, they will not be good parents unless they learn vital information about parenthood.
In addition
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, the more knowledge and
literacy
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 they have, the better children they can bring up. Based on the recent reports published by
criminal
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the criminal
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 section of
Tehran
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the Tehran
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 police organization, in 60
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percent
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percents
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per cent
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 of cases, individuals who
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commit
commite
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commit
 a crime are brought up in a family in which the parents do not have the ability to read and write.
Therefore
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, being educated not only affects individuals’ lives but
also
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lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 them to provide their children with efficient guidance. On the
Correct your spelling
opposite
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opposit
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opposite
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 side, if the governments put all the effort and priority
to
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into
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 youth
education
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 the future
society
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 might become unbalanced as a
part
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 of the
society
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 is well-educated while the middle-aged
part
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 does not have sufficient
literacy
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 to affect the environment.
As a result
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, there will be
a
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apply
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high pressure on the educated population due to the high taxes which is
a
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apply
show examples
financial aid for uneducated
people
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 who are not able to work.
Consequently
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, the rate of
unsatisfaction
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dissatisfaction
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 among educated
people
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 will grow and
this
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 might lead them to immigrate to other countries with
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
condition
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conditions
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. In conclusion, the role of
education
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 can not be denied in any
society
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. All members of
the
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apply
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society
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 must be provided with proper
education
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. Regardless of
the
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apply
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age,
a
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apply
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high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
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education
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 for all individuals in a
society
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 would lead a
country
Use synonyms
 to a better condition and redemption.
Submitted by mehrad.aghaei on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • literacy programs
  • functional illiteracy
  • social mobility
  • inter-generational poverty
  • workforce development
  • economic growth
  • social cohesion
  • public health
  • civic participation
  • resource allocation
  • national development
What to do next:
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