IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Do you think that parents should restrict how much time a teenager spends on cellphone each day?

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From my perspective, I totally agree that
parents
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 should limit the
time
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 their
children
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 use
smartphones
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 daily since these devices would make their
children
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 less social, has negative impacts on their health and provides Internet unsafety.
Firstly
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,
smartphones
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 are provoking us less likely to socialize, especially teenagers. Because of
smartphones
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' incredibility, it is obvious that we cannot stay far away from them, become addicted to various social networks and undermine real relationships ourselves. According to some reports from BBC and The Guardian, it is assumed that joyful chattering no longer occurs in most families since
children
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 lean toward embarking their
time
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 on using cell phones for entertainment without realizing that family bonding is fading out.
Secondly
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, if the young are addicted to
smartphones
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, it can spiral out of control and affect their mental health and stability. In recent years, depression and loneliness among teenagers have been escalating because of the increased
time
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 spent using
smartphones
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.
Furthermore
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,
parents
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 of
children
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 who are getting excessive screen
time
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 can easily see changes in their
children
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's behaviour as well as impacts on their developing brains.
In addition
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, overusing cell phones can
also
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 lead to various health problems
such
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 as obesity, short-sightedness and sleeping disorder.
Finally
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, setting phone
time
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 limits
also
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 make it easier for
parents
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 to monitor their kid's online activities and prevent them from inappropriate content or potentially dangerous situations online.
For example
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, when they overuse their phone, they are likely to peruse immoral websites or get involved in cyberbullying. In conclusion, for these reasons, I believe that
parents
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 should be concerned about
children
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's
time
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 using
smartphones
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 and manage it properly.

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Dependence
  • Divergent views
  • Addiction
  • Promote
  • Physical activity
  • Minimize
  • Distractions
  • Rebellion
  • Educational benefits
  • Social benefits
  • Self-regulation
  • Balanced approach
  • Clear, reasonable limits
  • Responsible use
  • Mutual understanding
  • Autonomy
  • Foster
What to do next:
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