IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education. What should schools do to prepare students for the world of work? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is a basically welcome idea that
education
Use synonyms
 is essential for the growth of an individual; be it formal, informal or vocational
education
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. On one hand,it is speculated that in a few European nations,some young ones attend institutions to learn hands-on
skills
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 to enable them
earn
Add the particle
to earn
show examples
 a source of livelihood
while
Linking Words
 the rest remain in educational institutions that provide solely formal academic pursuit:
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 discourse seeks to accomplish the set primary objective of critically examining the balance of both ideas as they appear to be essential to prepare young ones for the future. Essentially, a major way schools can accomplish
this
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 balance is to incorporate
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
show examples
 activities into the school’s curriculum.
For example
Linking Words
, if a student is registered in a club like “
clothing
Capitalize word
Clothing
show examples
 and
textile
Capitalize word
Textile
show examples
” for an hour every day of the week, it will help build design and garment construction
skills
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 that can enable the prospects of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young one to
becoming
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 a fashion designer in the future if she decides to become skilled worker. Adding
this
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 activity to the curriculum does not neglect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
formal
education
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 but only enhances it and makes it more interesting for students as they find their true interests.
Additionally
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, another approach that institutions can take to foster
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
equality between both proposals is to create summer schools for young people.
For instance
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, children can enroll in vocational summer classes or
bootcamps
Correct your spelling
boot camps
 after the end of term to engage them in vocational activities that can build or enhance their
skills
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 of interest. Creating a vocational summer class will provide a variety of
skills
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 that children can choose from which in return develop their creativity and passion which are essential to maintain work
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 and self-fulfillment. In summary, it can vividly be deduced that indeed finding a balance between both formal and vocational
education
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 is the key to achieving a better future accomplishment for every young one and schools could consider their approaches from the reasons mentioned in
this
Linking Words
 discourse.

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clear comprehensive ideas
Strengthen the explanation in each paragraph to further clarify and support your main points. This will improve the overall clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
logical structure
Work on developing the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to ensure a smoother reading experience.
relevant specific examples
Although the examples provided are relevant, incorporating more specific and varied examples will further enhance the response.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frame your essay.
relevant specific examples
The idea of incorporating extracurricular activities and creating summer schools as examples of preparing students for the world of work is relevant and strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • vocational training programs
  • curriculum
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • communication skills
  • career guidance
  • counseling
  • internships
  • apprenticeships
  • local industries
  • businesses
  • digital literacy
  • technological skills
  • entrepreneurship
  • innovation
  • financial literacy
  • budgeting
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
What to do next:
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