IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Many people think that the government should spend money to explore the outer space, while others believe that it’s a waste of public money. Discuss both views and include your own opinion.

#people #government #money #space #it’s #waste
Astronomy has been becoming at the top of high marketing science nowadays following by some people have been saying is useful field investing money by the government,while others expressed it has been the
unsutibale
Correct your spelling
unsuitable
 way to spend
wealth
Add an article
the wealth
a wealth
show examples
 of country. I am going to
exploring
Wrong verb form
explore
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 the advantages vs disadvantages
this
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of this
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 statement. Developed countries have the greater scope of authority to expanding own
knowledge
 about space to secure human lives on the earth against possible
Correct your spelling
threats
threatening
threating
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threats
,while developing countries must concentrate on the other priorities to improve
on
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apply
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their community,
for example
 , if the healthcare system needs to consider attention
urgentlly
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urgently
,spending wealth is not a good option to spending money, so, there is an
essentail
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essential
 factor for choosing that the exploring on the universe is suitable or not depends on their priorities . Exploring
on
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apply
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the outer
from
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of
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 our planet is essential because our
knowledge
 about our environment is very important to
dealing
Change the form of the verb
deal
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 with the universe ,
for example
, when you have more
knowledge
 about
sun
Correct article usage
the sun
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 and stars
such
 as
the
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during the
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 lunar eclipse ,
human
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humans
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 are no longer afraid of it ,so human
knowledge
 about events has been improved and close the possible abuse in
this
 regard.
Finally
, I agreed with investing the national wealth
on
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in
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 the unknown space if there are the
infrastrucres
Correct your spelling
infrastructures
infrastructure
. Exploring
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outer space will
bearing
Wrong verb form
bear
show examples
 more
knowledge
 and safety for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
Submitted by homa.ebrahimi987 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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