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Band 4.5

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discus both these views and give your own opinion. Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#sports #professionals #money #people #professions #discus #reason
Nowadays each and every person tend to do
sports
 activities to obtain a healthy lifestyle as well as
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
commercial purposes. Around the
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
 people
attending
Wrong verb form
attend
show examples
 various types of
sports
 and some have become more and more famous.
This
 essay will discuss the incomes of the other employments rather than
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 professions and
Correct your spelling
whether
wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
 it is fair to
Correct your spelling
receive
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 a higher pay than others. As all we know, some people have special abilities to do something.
Likewise
Add a comma
,Likewise
show examples
sports
 is an ability that everyone cannot do. If one is more talented to do some sport, he or she might not
having
Change the verb form
have
be having
show examples
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to go far from education. As an example
world famous
Add a hyphen
world-famous
show examples
sports
 persons
Ussain
Correct your spelling
Usain
 Bolt, Roger Federal and Lionel Messi
has
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have
show examples
 no
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
good educational background, but they are are having specific talent in their
Correct your spelling
relevant
relevent
Correct your spelling
relevant
 field.
Moreover
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,Moreover
show examples
 they have a really superior fan base throughout the world.
As a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 they are getting
Correct your spelling
opportunity
Correct article usage
the oppertunity
show examples
oppertunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to go for commercials and various campaigns.
Likewise
Add a comma
,Likewise
show examples
 it is fair to earn a great amount of money.
Although
 when doing sporting they spend so much effort on the playground and it is
queit
Correct your spelling
quiet
quite
 difficult comparing to other jobs.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 they can have serious injuries while playing.
Furthermore
, other professions like doctors, nurses, engineers and even cleaning workers can
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also
aslo
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also
 earn money up to a
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certain
cetain
Correct your spelling
certain
 extent, but not
as
Correct word choice
like
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sportsmen because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they are not famous characters in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media and
on
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in
show examples
 newspapers.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 there are some
Correct your spelling
professions
proffesions
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professions
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
epert
Correct your spelling
expert
 levels who earn more than
Correct your spelling
sporting
sprorting
Change preposition
in sprorting
show examples
 profession but they are not famous. So people
unaware
Add a missing verb
are unaware
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 them. Overall, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
Correct your spelling
success
sucess
Correct your spelling
success
 is one's faith and with our
strength
Add a comma
,strength
show examples
 we can climb up the ladder. No one should be
Correct your spelling
jealous
jelouse
Correct your spelling
jealous
about
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of
show examples
the others success
Change to a genitive case
the success of the other
the other's success
show examples
. So
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think it is fully reasonable to earn
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 amount of
vage
Correct your spelling
vague
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
sports
 profession rather than the other employment categories.
Submitted by hasi13r on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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