IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

#offenders #crimes #first #punishment #measures
In the contemporary epoch,
crime
 rates are increasing day by day in many parts of the world. Most of the crimes are committed by criminals who already served their punishment. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the
reason
 behind
this
problem
 and provide solutions in the forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, the major
reason
 behind
this
 situation is unemployment and poverty in
society
.
For example
,when any teenager commits a
crime
 and goes to prison for that law-breaking activities, in that place they learn only bad nauseous from other offenders,
As a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 they encourage by them and
also
 inspire to do the same criminal activities in their life after release from prison.
Moreover
, another
reason
 is that lack of education
also
 contributes to
this
problem
 in the community, Many developing nations have lower literacy rates, and due to that many offspring try to break the law at an early age.
However
,
this
problem
 can be resolved by taking proper steps in
society
.
Firstly
, every nation should provide free education to all the children, who left the school at an early age due to poverty, these steps will help them to improve their lifestyle in the future.
Secondly
, Authorities can pass a law, that every student has to participate in social activities and communities in
society
.
this
 will help children to do good things for others as well as they can learn many skills by contributing to the
society
.
Also
, which is a good way to transform negative thoughts into positive thinking. To conclude, high
crime
 rates are not good for the world, for
this
reason
Add the comma(s)
,reason
show examples
 nations should take proper steps to tackle
this
problem
 and try to reduce the
crime
 rate by offenders.
This
 change will help the world to build a better
society
 as well as a better future for the children.
Submitted by safideraiya7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: