Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To whtat extent do you agree or disagree?

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There has been an ongoing argument among
people
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that social
media
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sites have both benign and malignant effects on nations and individuals, but I believe that in general, their benefits are much greater than their drawbacks.
To begin
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with, nowadays, social
media
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platforms have become a pervasive force, affecting individuals and education in various ways.
In other words
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, online
communities
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provide a wealth of information that helps
people
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stay informed about global events and topics of interest.
For instance
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, many university students use YouTube, which offers educational videos on a wide range of topics from science to history and literature. What can be said is that digital
media
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plays a crucial role in enhancing the quality of education of students.
Moreover
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, social
media
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and
communities
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are deeply interconnected; social
media
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has fundamentally changed how
communities
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interact and collaborate. Through social
media
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,
communities
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can share information, provide emotional support, and advocate for others. A prominent example of
this
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is Egyptian
people
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who call for an end to the genocide of the
people
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of Gaza and donate food, clothing and money to help those in need in the sector.
Hence
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,
this
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example demonstrates how the internet is serving as a powerful tool for raising awareness about
people
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's concerns. In conclusion,
after
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this
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essay has manifested the benevolent impact of
such
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sites, it can be claimed that they are paramount for occupation-based opportunities and global recognition of events. I restate my opinion that
this
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is a positive development and
people
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should cultivate their immense.
Submitted by ahmedteleb500 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow between paragraphs. While each paragraph has its own main point, transitions between points could be smoother to ensure the essay reads more coherently as a whole.
Task Response
Develop your ideas more comprehensively. Some points, while relevant, remain underdeveloped. Adding more details and examples could make your arguments stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
Refine and expand the conclusion. The conclusion should summarize the main points discussed in the essay and restate the thesis more strongly. Additionally, avoid abrupt endings.
Task Response
The introduction clearly states the opinion and sets up the scope of the essay effectively.
Task Response
Relevant and specific examples, such as the use of YouTube for educational purposes and the example of Egyptian people supporting Gaza, effectively support the main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, which contributes to the clarity of the response.
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