IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that secondary school children should study international news as one of the school subjects.Other people think that it is a waste of valuable school time. What do you think? Give reasons and examples

#people #school #children #study #news #subjects #waste #time
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It is
certainlly
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certainly
 true that pupils are
policy makers
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policymakers
show examples
 of tomorrow and they should be perfect in each part of learning. It is generally claimed that learner must focus on
subjects
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 related to
world
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information
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however
Linking Words
 other
thinks
Change the verb form
think
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 it is a time
wastage
Replace the word
waste
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of
Change preposition
for
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a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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students
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 in
educational
Add an article
the educational
an educational
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 institution
by
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to
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 pay attention to these
subjects
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.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will substantiate both views
further
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 in the upcoming paragraph. To commence with
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positive
posting
postive
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positive
 outcomes of having general
information
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 subject , as general
information
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 is an
intergal
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integral
 part of the syllabus.
Consequently
Linking Words
, teenagers can assimilate knowledge about the
world
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 which would
fruitful
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be fruitful
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 for them since they can get
information
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 regarding numerous new policies of nations and read
number
Correct article usage
a number
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 of
world
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 issues. A good illustration is that at present
mostly
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most
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 learners
knows
Change the verb form
know
show examples
 about various organizations like UNO and its responsibilities in the
world
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 by reading general knowledge in a school.
On the
Linking Words
contrary
Add a comma
,contrary
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 there are
myraid
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myriad
 core courses in
educational
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the educational
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 curriculum like maths and
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 which
students
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needs
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need
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 to learn and enhance their skills.
This
Linking Words
 is because these
subjects
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 are
complusory
Correct your spelling
compulsory
 to study if they need to get admission
in
Change preposition
to
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 university after school.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of general knowledge
subjects
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, learning institutes propel
students
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 to participate in games or art activities which can act as a stress buster for them.
For instance
Linking Words
, In developed countries like Canada teachers encourage
students
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 for sports activities as well as science or maths
subjects
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 which can be useful for them in future. According to
me
Add a comma
,me
show examples
 schools ought to focus on
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information
Correct article usage
the information
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
world
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 motivate
students
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 for
Correct your spelling
another
anothers
Correct your spelling
other
 courses so that they can learn each thing to make their future
prosper
Replace the word
prosperity
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. In conclusion,
Add an article
the learner
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learner
Fix the agreement mistake
learners
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also
Linking Words
get
Change the verb form
gets
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knowldge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 about
Use synonyms
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 because they need to know everything and learn
bsic
Correct your spelling
basic
subjects
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 to achieve success in their life either they should study
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 or play sports activities in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global perspectives
  • cultural understanding
  • interconnected world
  • critical thinking skills
  • discern biases
  • global citizenship
  • curriculum
  • academic development
  • sensitive content
  • news cycles
  • structured curriculum
  • positive developments
  • fostering hope
What to do next:
Look at other essays: