IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people however think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#governments #progress #people #country
Authorities believe that economic growth is
crucial
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a crucial
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 aspect of development in every country.
However
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,However
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 in
others
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others'
other's
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opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
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 including
Correct pronoun usage
mine
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me
Add a comma
,me
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 public
health
 and
education
 are other important areas that demonstrate how any
society
 is wealthy and progressed in the
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
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. There is growing evidence that public
health
 and
education
 have
crucial
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a crucial
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 role in our
society
. In terms of
health
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the health
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 care system, it is inevitable every country with
healthier
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a healthier
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member
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members
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 can progress
with
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at
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 lighting fast pace. High life expectancy
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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happier
Correct article usage
a happier
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society
thus
, mental disorders
such
 as depression decreased significantly as result, successful
society
come
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comes
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 after
healthier
Correct article usage
a healthier
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 one. Invest in
education
 and the new generation is investing in the future. With practical training related to the needs of
society
, progress is achieved in all sectors of
society
, including the
economy
.
For
example
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,example
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 Germany put huge money recourse on
education
 with modern curriculums and now is one of the prominent
economy
Replace the word
economic
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centers
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centres
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 in the world. On the other side, many municipals believe that
economy
 is a critical core of every
society
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society's
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 proration and the power of a nation is greatly dependent on its economic development. In my
opinion
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,opinion
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also
, it is true economic growth is one of the most important
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
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 of success, but other social factors including
education
 could affect every country the most. If governments allocate enough budgets
on
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to
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education
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the education
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 they will invest
on
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in
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skilled
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a skilled
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 workforce,
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
Add an article
a result
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result
Add a comma
,result
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 more development in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
 can happen. In conclusion,
although
economy
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the economy
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 is
undeniable
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an undeniable
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 aspect of every nation’s progress, various other factors directly affect the
economy
such
 as public
health
 and practical
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
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. These are essential for
Add a hyphen
next-generation
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next
Correct article usage
the next
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generation
Change noun form
generation's
show examples
 well-being.
Submitted by mahboubi.negin on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
What to do next:
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