IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people think that personal happiness is directly related to economic success. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #happiness #success
It has been commonly accepted that personal satisfaction is a direct outcome of financial prosperity. From my perspective, I totally agree with
this
 statement for the following reasons.
Firstly
, it is apparent that economic abundance provides more access to services and amenities, resulting in a higher living standard. In fact, the expenses of a wide range of facilities and services, especially those relating to human well-being are mostly unreasonably high and hardly accessible to
people
 with financial deficiency,
hence
 leading to the emphasis on the significance of riches in terms of life quality and fulfilment. A telling example of
this
 argument is travelling abroad, which is renowned for giving travellers memorable experiences and enriching their knowledge about the world, which is undertaken almost solely by wealthy individuals who can afford it.
Secondly
, another point that should be considered is that great financial prosperity enables
people
 to help the unfortunates and
therefore
 gain pleasure. Undoubtedly, many
people
 tend to seek respect via contributions they give to society, which is directly proportional to their monetary capacity;
in other words
, the more thriving the philanthropists are, the more
people
 they can aid, and the more contented they may feel. Because of that, the relationship between being
happy
Add an article
a happy
show examples
 and economic success is undeniable.
For instance
, several successful businessmen establish charity funds as a way to simultaneously reduce social poverty and indulge their self-esteem and altruism. To conclude, I am convinced that financial achievements can surely be a guarantee of a fulfilled life for the aforementioned reasons.
Submitted by hughdaoxvii on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: