IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

: Write about the following topic: A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important.

#topic #person’s #status #possessions #values #honour #kindness #trust
In the current time,
people
 tend to judge the value of other
people
 by
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 position in society and wealth. Traditional aspects
such
 as kindness, honour, honesty, and trust do not seem to be important anymore. I agree, but not completely. In
this
 essay, it will be discussed both sides and some examples to illustrate
this
 position.
Firstly
, it is necessary to say that
this
 behaviour has been true since ancient times. Materials possession have been used in the History of human beings to define the importance of a
person
. Wealthy
people
 have a huge influence in
politc
Correct your spelling
politics
politic
political
,
economic
Replace the word
economics
show examples
, law, and religious issues. Economic power is a key component in every election or way to choose a
governant
Correct your spelling
government
.
For example
, kings, imperators, prime ministers, and presidents around the world have been always supported by rich
people
. Without
money
, neither a congressman achieves a position. Another example to illustrate the power of
money
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is when someone commits a crime. If the
person
 has no
money
 to pay a good lawyer, probably he or she will go to jail.
On the other hand
, a rich
person
 will linger to the maximum judgment
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and sometimes will be declared not guilty. Even when the wealthy
person
 is declared guilty, the time in prison will be shorter. In conclusion, despite the cultural aspects
said
Verb problem
mentioned
show examples
 before, nowadays,
this
 trend is changing.
For instance
, today, young
people
 prefer spending less
money
 on things
such
 as housing, cars, technology and clothes than in the past. More and more
people
 are giving more worth
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 features like honesty, bravery, integrity, and trust. I believe that new generations will make better choices and give more value to simple things. .
Submitted by fmulato on

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general
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, showcasing a balanced discussion with clear examples to support your points. However, be mindful of small grammatical inaccuracies and ensuring your examples directly support the main point for even clearer communication.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining your transitions between paragraphs for a smoother flow. Effective connectors and topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can enhance the logical progression of ideas.
task achievement
For even greater task achievement, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is immediately supported by specific examples or explanations. This will strengthen your argument and make your position clearer to the reader.
introduction conclusion present
You have a strong introduction and conclusion that effectively frame your essay, demonstrating a good understanding of the essay structure.
complete response
Your essay provides a balanced view and engages with the topic comprehensively, demonstrating an excellent task response.
relevant specific examples
The usage of historical and contemporary examples enriches your argument, showing greater depth of understanding and relevance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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