IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The NRA believe more guns make the country safer. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

#nra #guns #country
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It is often argued that more
weapons
 make the
country
 safer. I strongly disagree with
this
 statement and think that
guns
 make the
country
 more dangerous.
First
 of all, I reckon that the impact of
guns
 is huge, school shootings and terror acts happen in the countries
such
 as
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 very often because the
weapons
 can be purchased by 18 years old individuals.
This
 could be prevented by the government,
nonetheless
Add a comma
,nonetheless
show examples
 constitution of the US allows people to buy
weapons
.
Moreover
,
guns
 and knives are available almost in every town in the United States of America.
For instance
, the situation in a recent primary school shooting that has happened in Texas, 20 people have been killed by
18-year-old
Add an article
an 18-year-old
the 18-year-old
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 with mental and psychopathic problems,
hence
 18 children under the age of 14 were killed. That’s why it is very dangerous and silly to think that
guns
 make the
country
 safer.
Secondly
, an excess of
weapons
 may provide opportunities for felons and criminals to buy
a big and cheap amounts
Correct the article-noun agreement
a big and cheap amount
big and cheap amounts
show examples
 of
arsenal
Add an article
the arsenal
an arsenal
show examples
.
In other words
, they will be armoured like police or army which may cause big trouble and consequences for society.
Subsequently
, the
country
 by trying to save itself, make an opportunity to destroy itself.
For example
, the situation that happened in January in Kazakhstan demonstrated that felons and terrorists can cause big trouble to the government by stealing
guns
 from gunshops and weapon markets.
Thus
, even if governments around the world will produce
weapons
, they need to be in the usage of the regular army or police not in people’s use. To sum up, I strongly believe that more
guns
 make the
country
 not a safe place,
in
contrast
Add a comma
,contrast
show examples
 it provides with
weapons
 felons and terrorists and because of
this
 school shootings and terrors happen in the world.
Submitted by cit2005 on

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