Some people believe that maintaining a healthy work-life balance is essential for a happy life. Others think focusing on career success is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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People hold differing views on what constitutes a fulfilling
life
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.
While
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some argue that maintaining a healthy
work
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-
life
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balance is essential for happiness, others believe that prioritizing
career
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success
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is more important.
This
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essay will explore both perspectives before presenting my own opinion. Achieving a balance between
work
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and personal
life
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is crucial for maintaining both mental and physical well-being.
Firstly
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, adequate rest after long working hours can significantly reduce stress and anxiety, lowering the risk of cardiovascular diseases.
Furthermore
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, spending quality time with family and friends strengthens personal relationships, creating a supportive social network that enhances
overall
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happiness. Engaging in leisure activities
also
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allows individuals to recharge, improving their energy levels and creativity upon returning to
work
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. Employees who maintain a balanced
life
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are more likely to stay motivated, maintain high morale, and experience lower absenteeism, all of which contribute to better
work
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performance.
On the other hand
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, many individuals believe that focusing on
career
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success
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is essential for a prosperous
life
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. One significant advantage is the potential for financial stability. People who prioritize their careers may earn higher incomes, providing them with greater financial security.
Moreover
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,
career
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progression often involves networking, which can lead to valuable professional connections that benefit both
work
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and personal
life
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.
Lastly
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, achieving
career
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milestones boosts confidence, empowering individuals to take on greater challenges and responsibilities. For many,
career
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success
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is a key driver of personal
fulfillment
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fulfilment
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. In conclusion,
while
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a healthy
work
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-
life
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balance is essential for
overall
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well-being,
career
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success
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can provide financial stability and personal growth.
However
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, I believe that personal well-being should take precedence, as it forms the foundation for a fulfilling
career
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and
life
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in general.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines both perspectives with a brief explanation of each view to improve clarity.
Task Achievement
Incorporate additional specific examples to illustrate points made in paragraphs, as this will strengthen your arguments and make them more relatable to readers.
Coherence and Cohesion
Aim to enhance the conclusion with a stronger reiteration of your opinion, emphasizing the importance of personal well-being more robustly.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear understanding of different perspectives regarding work-life balance and career success.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay, with clear separate paragraphs focused on distinct points, is commendable.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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