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Band 4.5

Nowadays on-line shopping has become more popular than in-store shopping. Is it a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

THESE DAYS
THE
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, THE
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 INTERNET
HAVE TAKEN THE
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has taken the
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 SHOPPING INDUSTRY BY STORM AND INCREASED THE POPULARITY OF THE ONLINE SHOPPING.
THIS
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 ESSAY DISCUSSES THE ADVANTAGES
AS WELL AS
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 THE DISADVANTAGES BEFORE REACHING A CONCLUSION.
FIRSTLY
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,THERE ARE MANY BENEFITS TO THE RECENT BOOM IN THE E-SHOPPING
WHICH
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, WHICH
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 INCREASED ACCESS TO THE CUSTOMERS ACROSS A WIDE RANGE OF PRODUCTS AND IMPROVED HEALTHY COMPETITION AMONG DIFFERENT COMPANIES ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT ONES.THE TELE-COMMUNICATION SECTOR HAS IMPROVISED A
LOT
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LOT.
,
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apply
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 EVENTUALLY, IT
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HAS LEAD
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LEAD
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LED
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 TO A MAJOR ROLE IN IMPROVING THE EXPOSURE OF THE PUBLIC TO THE E-MARKET .
MOREOVER
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,
THIS
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 CHANGE HAS GIVEN A BOOST TO THE EXISTING RACE BETWEEN VARIOUS FIRMS.
THUS
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,THE CUSTOMERS ARE ABLE TO ENJOY THE BEST PRICES FOR EVERY PRODUCT.
FOR EXAMPLE
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, A RECENT STUDY CONDUCTED BY THE DEPARTMENT OF COMMERCE OF THE NATIONAL INSTITUTE OF COMMERCE CONCLUDED THAT 50 PER CENT OF BUYERS WHO EARLIER RELIED ON THE LOCAL SELLERS ARE NO LONGER PREFERRING TO DO SO.
SECONDLY
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, WE MUST LOOK INTO THE NEGATIVE ASPECTS OF
THIS
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 SHIFT VERY CLOSELY.THE THREAT TO THE SMALL-SCALE BUSINESSES AND THE INABILITY TO EFFECTIVELY MANAGE THE FRAUDSTERS.
NOWADAYS
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NOWADAYS,
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 THE LOCAL VENDORS WITH MEDIUM TO SMALL BUDGETS ARE FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO THRIVE
ALONG WITH
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 THE ONLINE CORPORATE GIANTS OUT THERE IN THE INDUSTRY.MOST OF THEM ARE FORCED TO SELL THEIR GOODS WITH A THIN MARGIN.
AS A RESULT
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, THESE SECTORS ARE GETTING BADLY AFFECTED DAY BY DAY. FOLLOWED BY
THIS
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 ARE THE CHALLENGES THAT THE FAKE RACKETS CAUSE THE PEOPLE TO LOSE MONEY VERY OFTEN.
FOR INSTANCE
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 ,I HAD A PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WHERE I HAD ORDERED A BRANDED SHIRT BUT WAS CHEATED WITH AN
OLD
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OLD,
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 USED DRESS.
TO CONCLUDE
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, CHANGE IS SOMETHING INEVITABLE
AND
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, AND
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 SO IS
THIS
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 TREND AS WELL.THE ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH THE
OTHERS
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DISADVANTAGES
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 IF IMPLEMENTED WITH PROPER VISION .THE GOVERNMENTS SHOULD MAKE PROPER LAWS TO PROTECT THE COMMON MAN FROM THE BOTH ASPECTS FOR A BETTER ECONOMY .

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task response
Task answer: Give a clear view on your stance from the start. Some parts are strong, some are weak. State one line that says what you think and keep to that view in the rest.
coherence
Flow of ideas: Use linking words to move from one idea to the next. Words like also, but, so, and finally help the reader.
coherence
Structure: Use a short intro, then one paragraph for good points, one for bad points, and a short yes/no conclusion. Put each idea in a new sentence.
coherence
Paragraph idea: Each paragraph should hold one main idea and give an example or reason.
task response
Grammar and spacing: Check big errors in subject and verb, and cap only where needed. Use short clear sentences to avoid mistakes.
content
The essay shows both good and bad points.
content
It gives an example from life to back points.
structure
It ends with a view on what to do next.
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