IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness To what extent do you agree with the statement? provide reasons for your answer. include relevant examples from own knowledge or experience

#wealth #guarantee #happiness
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In the prevailing era,
people
Use synonyms
 are having possession
on
Change preposition
of
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 an immense amount of money and wordily stuff, despite the fact,
individuals
Correct word choice
that individuals
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 are not happy in their life. I partially agree with the statement because happiness not only relies on the occupancy of wealth, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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also
Linking Words
 includes several other factors to live a cheerful and joyous life.
To begin
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 with, by the emerging development
in
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apply
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all around the world. The individuals are working day and night as well
as
Add the preposition
foras
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 opting for several ways to get money, in order to earn a better luxurious life.
Moreover
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,
people
Use synonyms
 with a higher amount of wealth has more material possession ,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 contributes
for
Change preposition
to
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 lifetime security and evidently gives peace of mind to themselves and their upcoming generations. To elucidate with an example, the poverty rate in America is incredibly low, because
people
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 living there are highly
ethusiastic
Correct your spelling
enthusiastic
 towards work and to financially stabled position
this
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 is the reason
people
Use synonyms
 found there are mostly contented.
On the other hand
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, richer folks usually possess the stuff in abundance.
Consequently
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, it acquires more time and vigilance of the individual towards that particular material. Which ultimately causes stress and deterioration of mental and physical health
For instance
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, in the United States of America, due to severe negligence towards health,
people
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 are tremendously prone to bodily and psychological illness.
Thus
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, in
such
Linking Words
situation
Correct article usage
a situation
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 individuals
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not remain
Change the form of the verb
satisfied
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satisfy
Change the verb form
satisfied
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 for
longer
Add an article
a longer
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 period. In a
nut shell
Correct your spelling
nutshell
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, healthier
people
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 are found happier, but at the same time wealth is
also
Linking Words
 required in order to have ameliorated lifestyle.
Therefore
Linking Words
, to sustain better living an equilibrium between earning money and physical well being are considered necessary.
Submitted by Alvina Muqeet on

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