IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness To what extent do you agree with the statement? provide reasons for your answer. include relevant examples from own knowledge or experience

In the prevailing era,
people
Use synonyms
 are having possession
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 an immense amount of money and wordily stuff, despite the fact,
individuals
Correct word choice
that individuals
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 are not happy in their life. I partially agree with the statement because happiness not only relies on the occupancy of wealth, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 includes several other factors to live a cheerful and joyous life.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, by the emerging development
in
Change preposition
apply
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all around the world. The individuals are working day and night as well
as
Add the preposition
foras
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 opting for several ways to get money, in order to earn a better luxurious life.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 with a higher amount of wealth has more material possession ,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 contributes
for
Change preposition
to
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 lifetime security and evidently gives peace of mind to themselves and their upcoming generations. To elucidate with an example, the poverty rate in America is incredibly low, because
people
Use synonyms
 living there are highly
ethusiastic
Correct your spelling
enthusiastic
 towards work and to financially stabled position
this
Linking Words
 is the reason
people
Use synonyms
 found there are mostly contented.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, richer folks usually possess the stuff in abundance.
Consequently
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, it acquires more time and vigilance of the individual towards that particular material. Which ultimately causes stress and deterioration of mental and physical health
For instance
Linking Words
, in the United States of America, due to severe negligence towards health,
people
Use synonyms
 are tremendously prone to bodily and psychological illness.
Thus
Linking Words
, in
such
Linking Words
situation
Correct article usage
a situation
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 individuals
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not remain
Change the form of the verb
satisfied
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satisfy
Change the verb form
satisfied
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 for
longer
Add an article
a longer
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 period. In a
nut shell
Correct your spelling
nutshell
show examples
, healthier
people
Use synonyms
 are found happier, but at the same time wealth is
also
Linking Words
 required in order to have ameliorated lifestyle.
Therefore
Linking Words
, to sustain better living an equilibrium between earning money and physical well being are considered necessary.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealth
  • happiness
  • emotional well-being
  • financial status
  • interpersonal relationships
  • personal fulfillment
  • material possessions
  • stress and anxiety
  • cultural differences
  • collectivist cultures
  • social bonds
  • true happiness
  • inner peace
  • contentment
  • mindfulness
  • gratitude
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