IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drink scientifically proven bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#shops #food #drink #people #health
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In
this
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 concurrent world, human
health
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 is an inevitable topic . Few ethnic groups postulate that the shops must care about
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
health
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 and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not be allowed to buy bad food or drinks .I vehemently accord with the given statement . In
this
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 discourse , I will expound my accordance along with credible
example's
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examples
show examples
. The chief rationalization for my agreement comes from heterogeneous points .
Firstly
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 , the most discernible nub is
pretect
Correct your spelling
protect
 . To be more specific , there are saving the
person
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person's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 through the
shop
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 . For an instance , they get rid
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 bad food ,
also
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 the government made the taxes those who
Correct your spelling
break
brake
breake
Correct your spelling
break
 the low , so it is a considerable way to save the
people
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 and
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environment
Correct article usage
the envernment
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envernment
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government
. Another paramount ground for my belief is
Correct pronoun usage
my parents
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parents
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parents'
parent's
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 comfort .
In other words
Linking Words
 , when their children go to the
shop
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 the family will be relaxed because every
things
Change to a singular noun
thing
show examples
 are useful . In comparison , the
feel
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feeling
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 of
father
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the father
a father
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 in the healthy
shop
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 is much
more
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apply
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better than
the
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in the
show examples
 unhealthy
shop
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 . Is there any other reason behind my agreement ?
,
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apply
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certainly there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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.
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?
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Not addictive , some
of
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apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Add an article
the people
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 reach the addiction and the main reason is
Linking Words
first
Change the article
the first
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 experience so, it is smart low . these are
somp
Correct your spelling
some
 top-notch reasons for my agreeing
in
Change preposition
with
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 the presented argument . To summarize the composition , the essay explicated my accordance with
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
health
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 , not only
this
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 but it
also
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 shed light on
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
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 it . So , I fully agree with
this
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 phenomenon .
Submitted by khaloudobaid97 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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