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Band 5.5

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drink scientifically proven bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#shops #food #drink #people #health
In
this
 concurrent world, human
health
 is an inevitable topic . Few ethnic groups postulate that the shops must care about
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
health
 and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not be allowed to buy bad food or drinks .I vehemently accord with the given statement . In
this
 discourse , I will expound my accordance along with credible
example's
Change noun form
examples
show examples
. The chief rationalization for my agreement comes from heterogeneous points .
Firstly
 , the most discernible nub is
pretect
Correct your spelling
protect
 . To be more specific , there are saving the
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
health
 through the
shop
 . For an instance , they get rid
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 bad food ,
also
 the government made the taxes those who
Correct your spelling
break
brake
breake
Correct your spelling
break
 the low , so it is a considerable way to save the
people
 and
Correct your spelling
environment
Correct article usage
the envernment
show examples
envernment
Correct your spelling
government
. Another paramount ground for my belief is
Correct pronoun usage
my parents
show examples
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 comfort .
In other words
 , when their children go to the
shop
 the family will be relaxed because every
things
Change to a singular noun
thing
show examples
 are useful . In comparison , the
feel
Replace the word
feeling
show examples
 of
father
Add an article
the father
a father
show examples
 in the healthy
shop
 is much
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 unhealthy
shop
 . Is there any other reason behind my agreement ?
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
certainly there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Not addictive , some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 reach the addiction and the main reason is
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 experience so, it is smart low . these are
somp
Correct your spelling
some
 top-notch reasons for my agreeing
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the presented argument . To summarize the composition , the essay explicated my accordance with
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
health
 , not only
this
 but it
also
 shed light on
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 it . So , I fully agree with
this
 phenomenon .
Submitted by khaloudobaid97 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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