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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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It is notable that the majority of victual goods contain an immense amount of carbohydrates which contributes to several health issues
such
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 as diabetes and obesity. It is believed that by increasing the prices of manufactured sugary products, people will tend to tone down their sugar intake. From my point of view, I think
this
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 is not a good idea and disagree with
such
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 an imposition on sugar-sweetened food and drink. One of the most significant problems is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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poor families' expenses can become very costly. The reason for
this
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 is that sugary edibles are prone to be cheaper than healthy ones since sugar is a low-cost addition. To cite an example, various kinds of organic consumables are always more expensive than synthetically made food and beverages.
Therefore
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, if there is a high taxation on sweet-toothed items, those not wealthy will struggle to make a living.
Furthermore
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, addiction can not be fully exterminated by raising the cost of saccharine goods. For these sweet-addictive groups, it makes no difference whether the cost is high or not, they would still lay their hands on sweeteners to satisfy their appetite.
Hence
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, they will definitely find other ways by allocating some of their funds to buy more affordable snacks which are in small portions. So, the attempt to explore alternative options for their sugary menu does not solve the problem but only intensifies it in another way. In conclusion, promoting high charges on sugary products will fail to tackle the problem of consuming
the
Correct article usage
a
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 detrimental amount of carbohydrates. Neither people with low incomes nor individuals who are "overdosing" can benefit from hiked prices.
Instead
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, a better approach should be made and must be convincing enough to allow people to stop their extreme consumption.
Submitted by mayaexochan16 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Try to diversify your sentence structures even more to enhance the sophistication of your writing.
Task Response
To strengthen your argument, consider including more detailed examples or data to support your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have done a commendable job maintaining a clear logical structure throughout your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, aligning nicely with the essay's overall stance.
Task Achievement
You provided clear and comprehensive ideas, which are crucial for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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