Doctor, nurses and teacher make a great contribution to society and should be payed more than entertainment and sport celebrity. Do you agree or disagree

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It is often argued that individuals working in the medical and educational
profession
Replace the word
professionals

The word profession doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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should be given higher wages as compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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entertainers and sportspeople. I completely agree that
doctors
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, nurses and
teachers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should be paid more as their contribution
towards
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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society is indeed remarkable. Medical professionals are the life saviours whereas the
teachers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are the best guides who help in providing education for the students. Undoubtedly, both occupations serve the society and the nation in its development and
hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

should be provided more salaries. One of the best
example
Change to a plural noun
examples

The singular countable noun example follows the quantifier One of, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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of their
role play
Add a hyphen
role-play

It appears that role play is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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can be seen at the time of the Covid pandemic when many
doctors
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and nurses sacrificed their
life
Replace the word
lives

The word life doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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to save other people.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, their devotion and dedication towards society
is
Change the verb form
are

It appears that the singular verb is does not agree with the plural compound subject their devotion and dedication towards society. Consider changing the verb to the plural form.

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unmatchable as compared to the actors or sports celebrity.
Nevertheless
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
for
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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becoming a medical professional or a professor it takes years of hard work.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

to
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, their job profile demands day and night duties for serving
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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mankind.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, an increment in their salaries will definitely give them a
moral
Correct your spelling
morale

The word moral doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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boost to perform better.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in
America
Add a comma
,America

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in America. Consider adding a comma.

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the government has raised the annual income of the people according to their work profile and
doctors
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are paid
highest
Correct article usage
the highest

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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wages followed by the
teachers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

considering
Wrong verb form
considered

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb considering. Consider changing it.

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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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to be the noblest professions among all.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, for their selfless
efforts
Add a comma
,efforts

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase for their selfless efforts. Consider adding a comma.

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they should be given more perks and incentives. To conclude,
doctors
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and nurses play an important role in serving people
in
Change preposition
by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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treating all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds

It seems that kind may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of ailments whereas
teachers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

make careers of the students. The contribution of both the professions in their respective sector is outstanding. Henceforth, I firmly believe that they should be paid more in comparison to entertainers or
sportsperson
Fix the agreement mistake
sportspeople

It seems that sportsperson may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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