IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

most people decided to have children in their later age than in the past. why? do the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples,e.g from your knowledge or experience

#people #children #age #outweigh #e #g
Nowadays
people
 prefer to have babies when they get old
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the past when
people
 were having kids
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 an early age. In
this
 essay I will look
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 reason behind
this
 situation, and whether
theirs
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 cons outweighed
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 drawbacks.
To begin
 with the reason I would say, our modern life
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
people
 busy
to pursue
Change the verb form
pursuing
show examples
 their career.
Instead
 of, building their own families,
moreover
 the number of
people
 who are not ready to have kids increase each and every
day
,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
,instance
show examples
 there is
apartment
Add an article
an apartment
show examples
 in our
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
, 4 guys live there, and who have a good career path.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 they are not ready for marriage. And, the old
people
 in my
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
tell them every
day
, rather than living
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
solo you may live in
classic
Add an article
a classic
the classic
show examples
 way that we
were use
Change the verb form
used
show examples
 to
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in our ages. But, they always reply, why we are rushing? We are still young.
Advantages
Correct article usage
The advantages
show examples
 of having
children
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 late age
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 good
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 many sides,
first
Add a comma
,first
show examples
 it will decrease the divorce rate which leads that the
children
 would not get enough care for separated parents.
Second
, when
people
 worked all that time their finances could be good. So, they can
Correct your spelling
manage
show examples
mange
Correct your spelling
manage
show examples
needs
Correct article usage
the needs
show examples
 of their
children
, because now everything is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
double
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their original price, while in the past decades
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 were easier. As
result
Add an article
a result
show examples
 of that, preparation before being
parent
Add an article
a parent
show examples
 will be good. Disadvantages are much more intense than advantages. Because. When
people
 get old they cannot play,
be
Correct word choice
or be
show examples
 friends
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
children
 due to
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 issues.
Nevertheless
, the fertility rate of the person will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decline
Correct your spelling
declined
show examples
 as the age increase and, leads to not having kids or it will be difficult. to illustrate, one
day
 I was in the hospital I saw a woman, we talk like usually she was
waiting
Add the preposition
forwaiting
show examples
 her results from the laboratory, she gave me advice, she said marry at an early in order to have babies.
Otherwise
Add a comma
,Otherwise
show examples
 you will be like me I stand every
day
 in front of
hospital
Add an article
the hospital
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hoping to increase my chance of pregnancy. In conclusion,
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 matter what condition
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
you want to push back. But, the consequence is worse.
Submitted by jasm0383 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • societal norms
  • priorities
  • career
  • financial stability
  • medical technology
  • life expectancy
  • emotional readiness
  • psychological readiness
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
What to do next:
Look at other essays: