Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. discuss both view and state your opinion?

People
prefer to have both of having
money
and free
time
.
However
, it
just
Add a missing verb
is just
show examples
a dream for everyone. Having more
money
and less free
time
is better than earning less
money
and having free
time
. There are pros and cons to the topic.
Thus
, in
this
paragraph
Add a comma
,paragraph
show examples
I would like to
states
Wrong verb form
state
show examples
my opinion on both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
. Normally,
people
spent too much
time
to get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
paid.
This
is the reason that they have less
time
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
enjoy
life
. It makes them tedious and
also
stressful with their job. In
facts
Fix the agreement mistake
fact
show examples
, most
people
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
just want
a
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
free
time
to make a good memory with their
love
Replace the word
loved
show examples
people
. Of course,
money
can not buy
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
happiness and
also
your health.
Thus
, we have to reconsider again about health and
money
, which
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should be
priority
Add an article
a priority
show examples
for us.
However
, some
people
still believe that
money
can make them happier. They
prefered
Correct your spelling
prefer
to work when
when
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
they were young and enjoy
life
when they are getting older. It
such
Add a missing verb
is such
show examples
a great idea for them. In
addiction
Correct your spelling
addition
show examples
, having
money
and
time
should balance
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
. So
people
should focus on their job while they have energy and should enjoy
life
when they retired. With both explanations above, we can make
conclusion
Add an article
a conclusion
the conclusion
show examples
that
money
and
time
are important for
people
.
People
should
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
while having energy and relax when they retired.
Thus
, if we want to enjoy
life
when we are getting older we have to save
money
when we are young.
Submitted by seangsreyneang93 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • facilitating
  • lifestyle
  • professional development
  • increased stress
  • work-life balance
  • hobbies
  • quality time
  • physical and mental health
  • financial constraints
  • luxury items
  • overall well-being
  • personal growth
  • middle ground
  • sacrificing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: