IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time . This can benefit teenagers and the community as well . Do you agree or disagree.

#believe #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit
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Some believe that
teenagers
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 should be required to do unpaid
community
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 jobs in their spare
time
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.
This
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 can benefit
teenagers
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 and the
community
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 as well.
First
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 of all, I don't agree that
teenagers
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 need
money
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. They have to
work
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 and earn
money
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. They have got lots of responsibilities,
such
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 as paying rent and bills. Adolescents have to buy food and lots of items because they have to
work
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 for a wage. Sam has been working on shopping at the same
time
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. He has to meet their needs. He has to go to the supermarket and buy some type of nutrition.
Secondly
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,
time
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 is the most crucial thing in the world. We have to be aware of how precious it is.We spend
time
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 on our
work
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, but we
also
Linking Words
 have to earn something from that, except experience.People make an effort and get a reward for every single effort.
Furthermore
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,
money
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 is the reward
of
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for
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 our effort.
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 wanted to buy something after
work
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 because
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 thought
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 deserved it.
Thirdly
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, they have to save up
money
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 and be ready for any circumstance.
Perhapas
Correct your spelling
Perhaps
, inflation is worsening and the economy is suffering
as a result
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.
Teenagers
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 want to buy something, but they can't if they don't earn
money
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 from their
community
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 job. survive without
money
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.any investment cant
be
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 made without
money
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.
iy
Correct your spelling
I
 may be some
teenagers
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thing
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
 to invest in
crypto currency
Correct your spelling
cryptocurrency
show examples
, but if they
havent
Correct your spelling
haven't
have
 enough
money
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 to invest, it might be for their bright future.
consequently
Linking Words
 , we can
work
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 in a
community
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 job it is
Add an article
a
show examples
beneficial
experience
Add the particle
to experience
show examples
 for our career. if we want to go forward, we have to earn
money
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 from it.
also
Linking Words
Add a comma
,
show examples
they, have to save
money
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 for
Correct article usage
a
show examples
bright future
therefore
Linking Words
 they
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 without pay in a
community
Use synonyms
 job
Submitted by brsson06 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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