IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that pop stars deserve to earn more money than classical music performers. Some disagree

#people #pop #stars #money #music #performers #disagree
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Nowadays, a group of people admit that
pop
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Use synonyms
star
Fix the agreement mistake
stars
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 can get a well-paid more than classical musicians. While some
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believe
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belive
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believe
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 that it is not fair and
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also
aslo
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also
 argue that classical
music
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 performers can earn
money
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 better than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss more
about
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apply
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this
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 viewpoint
.
Correct quantifier usage
more.
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 There are many
reason
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reasons
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 to
demonstate
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demonstrate
that
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apply
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why
pop
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music
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Use synonyms
performance
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performances
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have
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has
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 a handsome salary
more
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apply
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than
classical
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a classical
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musician
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musicians
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.
Firstly
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, most of the time they spend
for
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on
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 work. Whilst people fall asleep, the idol
is still produce
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is still produced
is still producing
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 their
music
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 video,
record
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recording
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 to release a new album or
pracite
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practice
 all the time in the studio to prepare for the
next
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performance
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.
Although
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,
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apply
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this
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 job can bring
much
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apply
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money
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, frame, and
wealthy
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a wealthy
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 lifestyle, it still
contain
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contains
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 some drawbacks.
For example
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, the
pop
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star
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easy
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is easy
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 to face with exhausted and cope with stress by many under pressure to maintain their career path,
thus
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 they need to
spending
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spend
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money
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 on treating their health.
Beside
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Besides
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,
the
Correct article usage
an
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Correct your spelling
enormous
enourmous
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enormous
 amount of
money
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 is poured to
attractive
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attract
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 their appearance. Following that, most
of
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apply
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celebrity
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the celebrity
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 have to build an effective marketing plan which
catch
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catches
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 up
the
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with the
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 trend and develop a good personality to make an impression on audiences.
On the other hand
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,
music
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performance
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also
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take
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takes
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 undergo years to learn to play
music
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instrumental
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instruments
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, becoming a professional performer, they have to practice
in
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for
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 a long-term period.
Besides
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, when they are live
performance
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, they have to contend with coerce too. To bring a
high-
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high performance
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performance
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, they have to match with other performers all the time, so
that
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apply
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it can be stressful. In summary,
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pop
Correct article usage
a pop
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Use synonyms
star
Fix the agreement mistake
stars
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 or classical
performer
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performers
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 will have to cope with pressure in each career path. But if I have to choose,
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pop
Add an article
the pop
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Use synonyms
star
Fix the agreement mistake
stars
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 will deserve to receive a well-paid more than classical musicians, because they have to spend
for
Change preposition
on
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 many expenses
Submitted by nguyenminhman21691 on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • appeal
  • broad
  • diverse
  • revenue
  • merchandise
  • streaming services
  • pop culture
  • mass media
  • marketable
  • undergo
  • dedication
  • master
  • craft
  • justification
  • rarity
  • specialized skill set
  • elevate
  • worth
  • audience
  • public funding
  • patronage
  • financial dynamics
  • disparity
  • market trends
  • cultural trends
  • artistic value
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