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Writing Samples
Band 5

Despite a variety of sport facilities and gyms, people are less fit nowadays than ever before. What do you think are the main causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest?

#variety #sport #facilities #gyms #people
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Have
Wrong verb form
Having
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 a good habit of doing
sports
Use synonyms
 in daily life is one of the main factors to having a healthy body. Nowadays, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 are more likely to stay at home rather than spent time
on
Change preposition
apply
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doing
sports
Use synonyms
. As far as I am concerned, there are several reasons that lead
people
Use synonyms
 to get rid of training, and it is necessary to deal with
this
Linking Words
 problem with some solutions. With the rapid development of technology,
people
Use synonyms
 become lazier to do lots of things in their life. In the past, teenagers can only play electronic games on computers, and it is more convenient for them to enjoy games on smartphones recently.
Although
Linking Words
 those children decided to go outdoor,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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they have a higher willingness to spend time
on
Change preposition
apply
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playing games
instead
Linking Words
 of playing basketball. Another reason is that
people
Use synonyms
 have a high degree of dependence on high technology devices to control their weight and health. Transfer from active activities to passive way like some
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities that can make some
affect
Replace the word
effect
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 to human’s body which give
people
Use synonyms
 different viewpoint about
sports
Use synonyms
. Those situations
such
Linking Words
 as wrong perspectives and phenomena
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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should be solved. Regular exercise and limited time on smartphones are
an
Correct article usage
apply
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essential
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
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 for
people
Use synonyms
 to have. Parents should notice
about
Change preposition
apply
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their children’s daily routine, which needs to have a healthy schedule including different kinds of outdoor activities.
However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should think about technology can help our lives but cannot provide appropriate exercise without
people
Use synonyms
 taking part in the
sports
Use synonyms
 in person. In conclusion, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who do exercise was fewer than before. While I think there comes
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some specific causes contributing to
this
Linking Words
 problem,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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it
also
Linking Words
 has some methods to get rid of
this
Linking Words
 bad habit.
Submitted by patrick880613 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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