In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier, and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

Happiness

is an element that everyone longs for, but not everyone can achieve

this

spice of

life

. Among them are some young adults who feel less jubilant despite their wealth, health and longevity. Several factors may drive

this

Correct your spelling

phenomenon

phenemenon

Correct your spelling

phenomenon

, and I feel an intense need for immediate action. Clearly, some cogent reasons are behind

this

decreased level of

happiness

among those young people. The

first

one is workaholism. Wanting to boost their budget, those individuals are often overwhelmed by working excessively from dawn to dusk, making them exhausted and stressed every single day.

Although

they utilize

this

money to improve their well-being and

life

expectancy, overworking has already stolen the meaning of their

life

Also

, their wealth can open up countless opportunities in

life

ranging from fit-for-king houses to ’80-day’ world travels, which they do not want to miss out on.

However

, with the elapsing of time,

this

Change the determiner

these

show examples

marvellous chances lose their importance for them, so not everything can attract them easily.

Consequently

, boredom engulfs their

life

. Curbing

unhappiness

Correct article usage

the unhappiness

show examples

of those people

seem

Correct subject-verb agreement

seems

show examples

to be feasible.

To begin

with, they should be informed that true

happiness

does not solely

lay

Wrong verb form

lie

show examples

in earning money.

On the contrary

, if they raise funds for charity works that help the orphans or the needy, they can actually find ultimate pleasure.

For instance

, what is

Add the comma(s)

,more

show examples

pleasing than seeing a young poor child who smiles from

heart

Add an article

the heart

show examples

when he gets something new to wear?! Apart from that they should take some break off their work and devote more time

for

Change preposition

show examples

their family and friends

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

since

such

people can bring value to one’s

life

. In conclusion, it is unfortunate, but not surprising to observe some young adults who seek

happiness

irrespective of their money, health and longer

life

. I believe that they should alter their definition of

happiness

, as well as spend some of their

budget

Change to a plural noun

budgets

show examples

for

Change preposition

show examples

the needy and work less.

Submitted by world111197 on Thu Jun 30 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

316 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier, and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Do you think that education and training should be completely free or it is better to require fully paid tuition? Which way do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

You learned the news from your friend regarding a part-time job at a new international company near your house. Write a letter to the manager of the company. In your letter, you should: explain why you need that job give details of what you can do for the company suggest the time that you can work.

It is important for people to take risks,both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is i some children spent hourt the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

Some people say that what individuals do to protect cannot make a difference, others say that individuals can protect the environment. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.