In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier, and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

#countries #people #address #situation

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Happiness

Use synonyms

is an element that everyone longs for, but not everyone can achieve

this

Linking Words

spice of

life

Use synonyms

. Among them are some young adults who feel less jubilant despite their wealth, health and longevity. Several factors may drive

this

Linking Words

Correct your spelling

phenomenon

phenemenon

Correct your spelling

phenomenon

, and I feel an intense need for immediate action. Clearly, some cogent reasons are behind

this

Linking Words

decreased level of

happiness

Use synonyms

among those young people. The

first

Linking Words

one is workaholism. Wanting to boost their budget, those individuals are often overwhelmed by working excessively from dawn to dusk, making them exhausted and stressed every single day.

Although

Linking Words

they utilize

this

Linking Words

money to improve their well-being and

life

Use synonyms

expectancy, overworking has already stolen the meaning of their

life

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Also

Linking Words

, their wealth can open up countless opportunities in

life

Use synonyms

ranging from fit-for-king houses to ’80-day’ world travels, which they do not want to miss out on.

However

Linking Words

, with the elapsing of time,

Linking Words

this

Change the determiner

these

show examples

marvellous chances lose their importance for them, so not everything can attract them easily.

Consequently

Linking Words

, boredom engulfs their

life

Use synonyms

. Curbing

unhappiness

Correct article usage

the unhappiness

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of those people

seem

Correct subject-verb agreement

seems

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to be feasible.

To begin

Linking Words

with, they should be informed that true

happiness

Use synonyms

does not solely

lay

Wrong verb form

lie

show examples

in earning money.

On the contrary

Linking Words

, if they raise funds for charity works that help the orphans or the needy, they can actually find ultimate pleasure.

For instance

Linking Words

, what is

Add the comma(s)

,more

show examples

pleasing than seeing a young poor child who smiles from

heart

Add an article

the heart

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when he gets something new to wear?! Apart from that they should take some break off their work and devote more time

for

Change preposition

show examples

their family and friends

Remove the comma

apply

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since

such

Linking Words

people can bring value to one’s

life

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. In conclusion, it is unfortunate, but not surprising to observe some young adults who seek

happiness

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irrespective of their money, health and longer

life

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. I believe that they should alter their definition of

happiness

Use synonyms

, as well as spend some of their

budget

Change to a plural noun

budgets

show examples

for

Change preposition

show examples

the needy and work less.

Submitted by world111197 on Thu Jun 30 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

316 words

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In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier, and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people say football players who have talent are the best. Others say players who learn the skill are better. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Global warming Is one of the biggest threats to our environment. What problem does this cause? what can be done to deal with this situation?

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. Do you argee or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

You are planning a short visit to a city where one of your relatives lives. Write a letter to your relative. In your letter: 1) Explain when and how long you will be in town. 2) Ask whether you can stay at their home. 3)Offer to pay for yourself.