Some people believe that the responsibility is with the government to control the rise in obesity in children, others think the parents are the cause. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #responsibility #government #control #rise #obesity #children #parents

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There has been a controversy about whether the

government

Use synonyms

should be responsible for the growth of child obesity. I think the

government

Use synonyms

and the

parents

Use synonyms

should share the responsibility, and my reasons will be explained in the following paragraphs.

First

Linking Words

, if it's the poor management in

food

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safety control,

then

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the

government

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should be responsible for it. Take

chocolate

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as an example. We all love eating

chocolate

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. There are two types of

chocolate

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in the world; one contains cocoa butter, and one contains cocoa butter replacer. It has been reported that cocoa butter replacer has rich fatty acids, which make a significant contribution to the growth of child obesity.

Therefore

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this

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chocolate

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is banned in many countries;

nevertheless

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, it is still rampant in some countries, like China. At

this

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point, the

government

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should better manage its

food

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safety control.

Second

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, the

government

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should control the number of Fast

food

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ads in public areas. It's commonplace that we constantly see many Fast

food

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ads in shopping malls and on the main streets. Those ads invariably look fascinating and eye-catching. They exert an imperceptible influence on bystanders' minds to convince them to buy more junk

food

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As a result

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such

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a phenomenon leads to a rise in child obesity.

On the other hand

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, it's

parents

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' job to parent their kids from getting fat.

For instance

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, many schools ask

parents

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to prepare lunch for their kids. It's common that some

parents

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will put some snacks,

such

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as chips, in their children's lunch boxes to save some time. As a consequence, children will gain weight by consuming snacks regularly unquestionably. In conclusion,

parents

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and the

government

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should work together to prevent kids from getting fat.

Submitted by junyiwu029 on Thu Jun 30 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

281 words

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Some people believe that the responsibility is with the government to control the rise in obesity in children, others think the parents are the cause. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct. There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?