Some people believe that the responsibility is with the government to control the rise in obesity in children, others think the parents are the cause. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There has been a controversy about whether the
government
should be responsible for the growth of child obesity. I think the
government
and the
parents
should share the responsibility, and my reasons will be explained in the following paragraphs.
First
, if it's the poor management in
food
safety control,
then
the
government
should be responsible for it. Take
chocolate
as an example. We all love eating
chocolate
. There are two types of
chocolate
in the world; one contains cocoa butter, and one contains cocoa butter replacer. It has been reported that cocoa butter replacer has rich fatty acids, which make a significant contribution to the growth of child obesity.
Therefore
,
this
chocolate
is banned in many countries;
nevertheless
, it is still rampant in some countries, like China. At
this
point, the
government
should better manage its
food
safety control.
Second
, the
government
should control the number of Fast
food
ads in public areas. It's commonplace that we constantly see many Fast
food
ads in shopping malls and on the main streets. Those ads invariably look fascinating and eye-catching. They exert an imperceptible influence on bystanders' minds to convince them to buy more junk
food
.
As a result
,
such
a phenomenon leads to a rise in child obesity.
On the other hand
, it's
parents
' job to parent their kids from getting fat.
For instance
, many schools ask
parents
to prepare lunch for their kids. It's common that some
parents
will put some snacks,
such
as chips, in their children's lunch boxes to save some time. As a consequence, children will gain weight by consuming snacks regularly unquestionably. In conclusion,
parents
and the
government
should work together to prevent kids from getting fat.
Submitted by junyiwu029 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: