IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

THE TOTAL NUMBER OF PEOPLE USING ELECTRIC EQUIPMENTS SIGNIFICANTLY ROSE OVER PERIOD OF TIME WHICH RESULTED IN THE REDUCED PHYSICAL ACTIVITY DO YOU AGREE OR NOT ?

#people #equipments #period #time #activity
THESE TWO LINE DIAGRAMS COMPARE THE VARIATION IN THE PERCENTAGE OF HOUSEHOLDS HAVING 3 TYPES OF ELECTRONIC EQUIPMENT AS WELL AS THE TREND IN THE TOTAL NUMBER OF
HOURS
 SPEND ON DOING DOMESTIC WORK
SUCH
 AS COOKING,CLEANING AND WASHING CLOTHES OVER A PERIOD OF TIME BETWEEN 1920 TO 2019 THE PROPORTION OF HOUSES WITH THESE MACHINES HAS SIGNIFICANTLY INCREASED FROM 1920 TO 2019.
INITIALLY
 ,THE PEOPLE RARELY USED REFRIGERATORS IN 1920, WHICH DRASTICALLY IMPROVED TO A WHOPPING 90 PER CENT BY 1960 . LATER ON, IT GRADUALLY GOT SATURATED BY 1980 AND IT REMAINED THE SAME .THE USAGE OF THE VACCUM CLEANER
ALSO
 FOLLOWS A SIMILAR TREND.IT REACHED TO ALL
LIVEHOODS
Correct your spelling
LIVELIHOODS
 BY 2000.
HOWEVER
,THE INCREASE IN
NUMBER
Correct article usage
THE NUMBER
show examples
 OF THE WASHING MACHINE USERS WAS A GRADUAL ONE. 30 PER CENT OVER TIME ROSE TO 70 % TOWARD THE END OF THE STUDY .
THAT IS
 2019 AND NEVER ACHIEVED A 100 PER CENT PRESENCE. IN THE
SECOND
 LINE DIAGRAM,THE
HOURS
 OF WORK EVERY
WEEK
 QUICKLY DROPPED FROM 50
HOURS
/
WEEK
 IN 1920 TO 20
HOURS
/
WEEK
 BY 1960. LATER ON , THE CHANGE WAS MINIMAL AND DIPPED TO 10
HOURS
/
WEEK
 BY 2019 THE REVOLUTIONARY INNOVATION IN THESE ELECTRONIC ITEMS HAVE LED TO MORE PEOPLE BUYING THESE PRODUCTS AND HAS SIGNIFICANTLY REDUCED THE PHYSICAL ACTIVITY THEY INDULGE IN FOR THEIR DAILY NEEDS.
Submitted by fidhaf0343 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: