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Band 5.5

Some people believe that the increasing number of vehicles is one of the biggest problems facing cities, while others believe that cities have bigger challenge. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #vehicles #cities #challenge
The dramatical proliferation in the
number
 of cars is becoming a concern for many urban areas, which is reckoned to be the most serious problem that should be
priority
Add an article
a priority
show examples
 to alleviated, whereas opponents argue that there are
others
Correct pronoun usage
other
show examples
problems
 that should be more worried. In
this
 essay, the details of both statements will be elaborated
, and
Change preposition
on, and
show examples
 my perspective supporting the former views will be reached. On the one hand, in the bustling city, there are a hundred
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
problems
Correct your spelling
occurring
occursing
Correct your spelling
occurring
 per
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
day. many
problems
 seem to be more important and need to solve urgently compared to a higher
number
 of vehicles
such
 as natural
disaster
Fix the agreement mistake
disasters
show examples
 and
pandamic
Correct your spelling
pandemic
pandemics
, which causes a loss in assets and life.
For example
, in 2011, Bangkok
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
suffered from the most severe flood resulting in
Correct your spelling
tremendous
tremendrous
Correct article usage
a tremendrous
show examples
 loss in property and budget to renovate the building after flooding.
Furthermore
, another more
concerned
Replace the word
concerning
show examples
 problem is Covid - 19, which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
economic
Correct article usage
an economic
show examples
 crisis affecting every
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
 across the world. These two issues seem to be more
dauting
Correct your spelling
daunting
dating
 challenge as it has
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 effect on
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 life.
On the other hand
,
skyrocketed
Correct article usage
the skyrocketed
show examples
number
 of vehicles is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 indispensable trouble as it contributes to many other
problems
. As pollution and traffic congestion that detrimentally affect
physical
Add an article
the physical
show examples
 and mental health of human is attributed to shape increase in cars.
For example
, PM 2.5 is the air pollution caused by
car
Add an article
a car
show examples
 engine that releases a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of harmful gases and dust
particle
Fix the agreement mistake
particles
show examples
led
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to lung cancer and allergy among citizens.
Moreover
, traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
 disastrously
influence
Change the verb form
influences
show examples
 the emotion of people.
For instance
,
stucking
Correct your spelling
stocking
sticking
 on the road for 2 hours can make people very annoyed,
Correct word choice
and eventually
show examples
eventually
Add a comma
,eventually
show examples
 depression can happen.
Therefore
, because of contributing to various
problems
, a rise in
number
 is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the biggest challenge. According to the aforementioned analysis,
although
 there are numerous challenges
Correct pronoun usage
that happen
show examples
happen
Wrong verb form
happening
show examples
 in cities. one can conclude that the sudden increase in
number
Add an article
the number
show examples
 of vehicles
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 big cities must be
priority
Add an article
a priority
show examples
 to overcome
first
.
Submitted by pantamitsaekong on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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