IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

#people #life #money
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Nowadays, most of
Add an article
the population
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population
Change noun form
population's
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happiness
Use synonyms
 is depend on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
. Because they have to work so hard to earn for primary needs.
For those
Change preposition
Those
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 who
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 suddenly
wins
Correct subject-verb agreement
win
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 huge amount of lottery ticket
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will get happier. Those
you
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 already have enough
money
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
find
happiness
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
in
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 being their kids,
having
Correct word choice
and having
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 a quench talk with their elders.
Mostly
Correct your spelling
Most
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 people with lots of
money
Use synonyms
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
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 happy and cheerful
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 have to worry
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the future, they are financially so capable that
Correct your spelling
any type
anytype
Correct your spelling
any type
 of situation
arise
Change the verb form
arises
show examples
 they will handle it without any issues. They live their life by owning luxurious cars, for shopping they visit
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
expensive Brand stores and for holidays they go abroad. Like
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 people happy. Analysing the statement,
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 are
various
Add an article
a various
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thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
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 apart from
money
Use synonyms
 in life to make people happy. Many peoples like to help a needy person and give a
voluntery
Correct your spelling
voluntary
volunteer
 service in old age home or
orphangage
Correct your spelling
orphanage
 home. They get internal
happiness
Use synonyms
 and
satification
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
 because they are giving something to society , giving
Correct your spelling
something
somthing
Correct your spelling
something
 to
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 one type of
happiness
Use synonyms
for instance
Linking Words
 if you go to
old
Correct article usage
an old
show examples
 age home you sit with them hear what they say give them support make them happy.
This
Linking Words
 is a time
what
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 you gave to them and you did a social service for you to become happy. To conclude , no doubt
money
Use synonyms
is indeed require
Change the verb form
is indeed required
show examples
 to become happy, on that if you have
earn
Change the verb form
earned
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
 you have
also
Linking Words
 to give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your inner peace and
happiness
Use synonyms
 which you will never get with
money
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by hirendhanwani on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Basic needs
  • Comfort
  • Luxury
  • Freedom
  • Altruistic
  • Philanthropy
  • Nurturing relationships
  • Fulfillment
  • Sense of accomplishment
  • Physical well-being
  • Spiritual beliefs
  • Community involvement
  • Gratitude
  • Mindfulness
  • Simple pleasures
What to do next:
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