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Band 6

Some people believe that increasing tax on various industries will reduce pollution whereas others believe that there are better ways. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #tax #industries #pollution
Some
people
 believe that increasing
taxes
 on various industries will reduce pollution
whereas
 others believe that there are better ways. At the present time, a lot of countries have problems reducing pollution. Many societies believe that increasing
taxes
 on various industries will reduce pollution. It is a good idea. If societies increase
taxes
 on various industries, humans can not throw away
waste
. The particular reason for
this
 circumstance, if
people
 throw away
waste
 they are to be fined by the court.
However
, some
people
 do not follow the rules.
Consequently
, the environment is being damaged.
Nevertheless
, humans continue to
waste
.
On the other hand
,
people
 think believe that there are better ways.
According to
 them, a separate garbage collection machine should be placed in each neighbourhood.
Furthermore
, a separate place should be made for the exact purpose of plastic
waste
.
In addition
, the number of street cleaners should be increased.
Consequently
,
waste
 in nature is reduced and
advised
Verb problem
apply
show examples
local
waste
 disposal outside the city. They
also
 said that local
waste
 should be collected there times a week
instead
 of once a week.
As a result
, the environment is much more harmless. In conclusion, raising
taxes
 and imposing fines will greatly help to clean the environment. But I believe that it would be more convenient for society and
people
 if a separate garbage truck is placed in each neighbourhood and the number of street cleaners is increased.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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coherence
Consider organizing your ideas more clearly by using introductory phrases for each paragraph to clearly state your main point and using transition words to lead the reader through your argument.
task achievement
In your discussion, try to integrate more concrete examples and specific scenarios to strengthen your arguments. Specific details can make your point of view more convincing.
cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas across sentences and paragraphs. While you have some structure, varying your linking words could improve the flow of your essay.
introduction/conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-formed, presenting a clear overview of your essay's topic and your personal stance.
balanced discussion
You successfully address both views requested in the topic, providing a balanced discussion before stating your own opinion.
relevance
The essay maintains relevance to the main topic throughout, keeping focused on the question of whether increasing taxes or finding other solutions is the best way to reduce pollution.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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