IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Due to the influence of worldwide media such as television and computers, the gap between cultures is decreasing. The introduction of this global culture is a great benefit to the world. To what extent do you agree with this viewpoint?

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These days, the development of the
media
Use synonyms
 in terms of television and laptops closes up the disparity between various cultures and traditions globally.
Consequently
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, these provide numerous advantages to humanity. In
this
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 essay, the advantages of the
media
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 will be presented to support my agreement with the statement.
To begin
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 with, television enables
people
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 to explore the world through the screen as it shows foreign TV programs and movies, which necessarily input their
culture
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 and livelihood.
Therefore
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,
people
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 who watch the movies can experience the
culture
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 of
the
Correct article usage
a
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 particular country,
although
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 they've never been there.
For example
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, my sister is very addicted to Korean drama, apart from remembering the
name
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names
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 of the actors, she
also
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 knows about the history of the country, and the well-being of Korean
people
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, and even understands the Korean language.
Hence
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, TV is considered a beneficial medium
to learn
Change preposition
for learning
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 about the
culture
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 of other countries.
Moreover
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, computers and smartphones connected to the internet allow citizens to keep connecting with others around the world.
As a result
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,
people
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 can exchange their
culture
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 and knowledge through online chatting, social
media
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, and dating
application
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applications
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. To illustrate, I can
skype
Capitalize word
Skype
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 with many international friends who live
aboard
Rephrase
abroad
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, I can watch celebrities'
life
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lives
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 on Facebook live, and I can date strangers from abroad. In
this
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 way, the gap between cultures is dramatically reduced because the
media
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facilitate
Correct subject-verb agreement
facilitates
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 us to connect with others.
To conclude
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,
according to
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 the aforementioned advantages of modern television, I definitely agree with the
viewpoints
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viewpoint
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 that the existence of these
media
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 leads to a reduction in cultural disparity in the modern world, and the more developed technology, the closer we are.

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task response
Overall, your essay adequately addresses the given prompt, but there are some areas for improvement. Read the prompt carefully and ensure that all aspects of the topic are addressed in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure and presents clear and comprehensive ideas. To further improve, ensure that your introduction clearly states the main points you will discuss and that your conclusion restates your agreement with the viewpoint.
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