IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think it is a better way to leave their home country to improve their work and living opportunities, while others think staying in their own country is a better choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #home #country #work #opportunities #choice
Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people are looking to provide themselves with better
job
 opportunities and they prefer to have
decent
Correct article usage
a decent
show examples
job
 and income
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
.
First
 of all,
however
, it is rely on the personality and spirit of individuals. In
this
 essay, I'll deal with the arguments of the two groups and share my viewpoint.
Firstly
, I will describe the difference between staying in our own country and going to a new land and
secondly
, I will share the idea of why it is necessary to leave the
place
 where we were born and
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 new
place
. To commence with, definitely, going to a new country is accompanied by different experiences. We see different people from various cultures, particularly, in the work. It makes us come out of our safe zone and experience the new world. Stepping into the land of the unknown makes us flourish
our
Change preposition
in our
show examples
 own abilities.
Additionally
, in many countries haven’t appropriate
job
 opportunities in order to
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
show examples
 fact, the person
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to go
Change preposition
to other
show examples
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
 country or
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
place
.
For instance
, there
aren’t no
Rewrite the sentence
aren’t any
are no
show examples
 jobs related to my field of study in our small town because I have to go to a
place
 where I can find a decent
job
. On other hand, staying in the same
place
 we were born we remain dependent while we as independent and free human beings have to have different experiences.
For example
,
experience
Wrong verb form
experiencing
show examples
 life away from family and friends
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
causes
we
Correct pronoun usage
us
show examples
find
Fix the infinitive
to find
show examples
 new friends.
Also
, we get to know new employers
that
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
 we can better understand our own interests and abilities. In conclusion,
generally
Add a comma
,generally
show examples
 I believe leaving and going to another
place
 to find a
job
 is a step forward. I recommend that people do it if possible. Because it's definitely risky.
Submitted by sania.nazari on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • professional growth
  • quality of life
  • stronger economies
  • employment opportunities
  • advancement opportunities
  • emotional bonds
  • cultural ties
  • familiar environment
  • contributing to
  • local economy
  • personal aspirations
  • cultural identity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: