IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that art, music, and drama are also important as other subject in the primary level Do you agree or disagree.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed by some individuals that art, music and drama are as crucial as other
subjects
Use synonyms
 in elementary school. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
this
Linking Words
 can help children discover their talents at an early age and can improve their confidence matched
also
Linking Words
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one of the primary reasons is that creative
subjects
Use synonyms
 have a significant role as other
subjects
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
subject
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
at primary school,
this
Linking Words
 allows offspring to find out they are potential capacity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, academy time is convenient for them to know about which
subject
Use synonyms
 are more interested in as they can identify their talents with the help of extracurricular activities
such
Linking Words
 as Cricket, Football and hockey.
For instance
Linking Words
, my elder brother
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 was studying at elementary school at that time he was not getting good scores in another
subject
Use synonyms
, and was fascinated by music, he was singing a song in front of the audience and his voice was melodious,
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
present, he is still singing
a songs
Correct the article-noun agreement
songs
a song
show examples
 at countryside he
earn
Change the verb form
earns
show examples
 handsome capital. As it is proved that other
subjects
Use synonyms
 are not much essential for the children those kids are not interested in another
subject
Use synonyms
. Music, art, and drama
subjects
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 supported to boost their confidence at a high level of the student, the reason for
this
Linking Words
 can be how performing in front of lots of people, it is increased confidence level at a high level.
For example
Linking Words
, a plethora number of psychologists suggest to the students who are struggling with social anxiety,
my
Correct pronoun usage
that my
show examples
 brother-in-law, was doing good
active
Replace the word
activity
show examples
 when he was studying
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
recently time he was
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
performing a Gujarati serial. I must say that other
subjects
Use synonyms
 are as
much
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
crucial
as well as
Linking Words
 other sports activities
such
Linking Words
 as Kabaddi, Volleyball, and Handball.
To sum up
Linking Words
, for the reasons stated above, the creative
subject
Use synonyms
 is more convenient compared to other types of the
subject
Use synonyms
 from my point of view.
This
Linking Words
 can individuals find out their actual talents at a young age,
therefore
Linking Words
 it has been a great benefit for the children who are
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
fascinated about their skills it can make a career in their life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main argument. Some parts of your essay seem tangential and disrupt the flow of your argument.
task achievement
Polish the essay for grammatical clarity and language precision. Try to use varied sentence structures and correct minor grammar mistakes to make your writing more professional and easier to understand.
task achievement
Strengthen your supporting evidence by providing more precise and developed examples. Also, relate the examples back to the main point to reinforce your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has clear introduction and conclusion sections, which frame your arguments well.
task achievement
Your main points are identified and supported with examples.
task achievement
You have attempted to provide relevant examples to support your main ideas, which is a positive step towards achieving a balanced argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: