IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT PARENTS HAVE THE MOST IMPORTANT ROLE IN A CHILD'S DEVELOPMENT . HOWEVER, OTHERS ARGUE THAT OTHER FACTORS LIKE TV OR FRIENDS HAVE THE MOST SIGNIFICANT INFLUENCE.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #role #child #development #factors #tv #friends #influence
It is believed that
children
 are the backbone of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Therefore
, the older generations should provide
children
 with
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 education system to maintain an educated society.
However
, with the agreeable order of the day, it cannot be denied that televisions and the ways
children
 interact with each other affect their
development
. Despite that,
parents
 still hold the biggest influence on their
children
's
development
. I would discuss both arguments
further
. Childhood is the most important part of
children
's
lives
 as it is a period where they could learn how to regulate their emotions, react to the situations they are facing, and learn social cues.
Furthermore
,
parents
 have the biggest role as their
children
's
first
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 in their
lives
.
Subsequently
, it is essential for
parents
 to know their
children
's personalities and preferences to know how to build good relationships with them.
For instance
,
children
 could learn empathy from their
parents
.
Parents
 could teach their
children
 how to be empathetic and less selfish by giving them toys that are meant to be played
with
Change preposition
with with
show examples
 their friends.
Thus
,
children
 will learn how to share with others and
this
 would give
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their overall
development
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
 to that, some people believe that other external factors can affect
children
's
development
 as much as their
parents
' influence. Those factors are the rapid growth of television programs and their
children
's circle of friends. These days televisions are often packed with uncensored programs
such
 as television series which have violent acts, substance abuse, and nudity. These are not suitable for
children
 to watch without parental guidance because
children
 could easily learn through the materials that they watch for entertainment.
Additionally
, when
parents
 are not aware of their
children
's peer groups, it would potentially be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 them. Harms can come from the social interactions that these
children
 experience in their daily
lives
. I firmly believe that
parents
 have the biggest influence on their
children
's
development
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 early age.
This
 is because
parents
 are their
children
's
first
 teachers in their
lives
. In conclusion, I think that positive characteristics should be taught to
children
 during their childhood for them to learn how to regulate their emotions, be empathetic to others, and maintain good relationships with their family and friends.
Submitted by serlyayus on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: