IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that government funding for schools should be spent on science subjects rather than on other subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying that governments play a crucial role in allocating financial resources for
education
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.
While
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 some people believe that public funding should be
prioritized
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prioritised
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 for
science
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subjects
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, others argue that equal investment across all disciplines is essential. I strongly disagree with the view that
science
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subjects
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 alone deserve greater financial support.
To begin
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 with,
prioritizing
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prioritising
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science
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subjects
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 may create inequality among
students
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 with different interests and talents. Not all
students
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 are inclined toward scientific fields, and many individuals possess strong abilities in areas
such
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 as arts, literature, or music. If governments allocate the majority of educational funding exclusively to
science
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,
students
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 pursuing creative disciplines may face limited opportunities and inadequate resources.
For instance
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, funding for arts programs, cultural
education
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, and creative training could be significantly reduced, which may discourage talented individuals from pursuing their passions.
Furthermore
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,
overemphasizing
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overemphasising
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science
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education
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 could lead to an imbalance in the
labor
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labour
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 market. When government policies strongly promote certain disciplines,
students
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 are more likely to choose fields that receive greater financial support.
Consequently
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,
this
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 may result in an oversupply of professionals in
science
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-related industries
while
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 other important sectors,
such
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 as arts, hospitality, and cultural services, experience a shortage of skilled workers. A well-functioning society requires a diverse workforce with expertise across multiple fields. In conclusion,
although
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science
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education
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 plays a vital role in technological and economic progress, it should not receive disproportionate government funding.
Instead
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, governments should allocate educational resources more evenly across various
subjects
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 in order to support
students
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' diverse talents and ensure balanced societal development.

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task response
For task response, your answer is clear and you give your opinion from the start. This is good. To get a higher score, add one more strong idea or explain one idea more deeply.
task response
For task response, your example about arts and creative training is relevant, but it is quite general. Try to give a more specific real-world example.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow. Each paragraph has one main idea. This is strong.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you use linking words well, such as 'To begin with', 'Furthermore', and 'In conclusion'. To get a higher score, also use a few more natural links inside paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your second body paragraph is clear, but it could be developed a little more with one extra sentence.
task response
You answer the question directly and clearly say that you disagree.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both clear and relevant.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are organized in a logical way, so the essay is easy to read.
task response
Your points about student interest and job balance are both relevant to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • government funding
  • education funding
  • science subjects
  • STEM fields
  • technological advancement
  • innovation
  • economic competitiveness
  • holistic development
  • curriculum
  • real-world applications
  • climate change
  • public health
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • emotional intelligence
  • adaptability
  • diverse student interests
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