IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when travelling, etc.). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #technology #people #work #workplace #e #g #home #mobility
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Due to the advancement of technology, many people are able to
work
Use synonyms
 at other places
instead
Linking Words
 of their office, some people think that it is not beneficial while
this
Linking Words
 essay believes that its benefits outweigh its drawbacks. On the one hand, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 two
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 of working
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other places. The
first
Linking Words
 disadvantage is that they are easily distracted. As they are not working at the office, they may be distracted by many
stuffs
Change the wording
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as noise from neighbours and their family members. They will not be able to focus on their jobs and
thus
Linking Words
 will lower working efficiency . Another disadvantage is that there will be less direct
communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
show examples
 with colleagues. When they are doing projects together, they cannot discuss directly so there may be some misunderstandings and the quality may decrease.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the advantages are twofold.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it can save time and travelling
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
. When staff
work
Use synonyms
 at home, they do not have to travel to
work
Use synonyms
 so they can save time
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
, which may
increase
Use synonyms
 their working amount. They can
also
Linking Words
 reduce travelling
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 so it can passively
increase
Use synonyms
 their income.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it can
increase
Use synonyms
 flexibility. As they can choose to
work
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
anywhere and anytime.
For instance
Linking Words
, they can still finish their report even when they are on holiday or at home,
this
Linking Words
 can
increase
Use synonyms
 their productivity. They can
also
Linking Words
 choose the working time which suits them, so
this
Linking Words
 can not only enhance
Use synonyms
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
 balance but
also
Linking Words
 productivity.
Submitted by chloelwy3905 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: