IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people think that all teengares should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. they believe this would benefit both the individual tenager and society as a whole. do you agree or disagree?

#people #teengares #work #time #community #tenager #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are several
people
Use synonyms
 who advocate the idea that young
people
Use synonyms
 should voluntarily contribute to their
community
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 contribution would be helpful both for themselves and their
community
Use synonyms
. I agree that
this
Linking Words
 upbringing of
teenagers
Use synonyms
produce
Change the verb form
produces
show examples
 a number of benefits.
Firstly
Linking Words
, unpaid volunteering help to build sincerity in
teenagers
Use synonyms
. They learn how to help
others
Use synonyms
 without anticipating
reward
Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
show examples
 from
others
Use synonyms
. As many
people
Use synonyms
 do some
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 to
others
Use synonyms
 by expecting value in return,
otherwise
Linking Words
, they might not
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
do anything good to
others
Use synonyms
, even they might not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
show even a sympathy toward
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 are in need.
Secondly
Linking Words
, rendering adolescents unpaid
community
Use synonyms
 services help them form solidarity with other members of
locality
Add an article
the locality
show examples
. Residents of an area would form a sincere bond with young citizens once they become aware of their free contributions as well as
this
Linking Words
 lead to the increase of their fame among the members of the society.
For example
Linking Words
, in some regions of
Turkey
Add a comma
,Turkey
show examples
 there are a number of close-knit communities which
teenagers
Use synonyms
 helped to build thanks to their constant voluntary services.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
voluntary
Correct article usage
the voluntary
show examples
 work of
teenagers
Use synonyms
 may deter the rise of
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate in
neighborhoods
Change the spelling
neighbourhoods
show examples
. Sometimes installed cameras are deliberately cut off to commit burglary.
However
Linking Words
, if young
people
Use synonyms
 who usually spend their time on
streets
Correct article usage
the streets
show examples
 playing with their friends become
vigil
Replace the word
vigilant
show examples
, they may halt crimes to be committed.
This
Linking Words
 eventually
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 about peace in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, volunteering
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to develop the character of hardworking
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teenagers
Use synonyms
. Many parents complain that their teenage children are lazy. In order to cure laziness they should be directed to unpaid
community
Use synonyms
 services, while helping the elderly or disabled they may gradually become industrious. As the matter of fact, as for
statistics
Add a comma
,statistics
show examples
 many criminals were lazy
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I am on the side
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 those who think young
people
Use synonyms
 should do volunteering
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their local society which would be beneficial to youngsters themselves as well as their
community
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by jamshidobloqulov32 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: