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Band 4.5

some people say that the Government should not put money on building theaters and sports stadium. Others say that they should spend more money on medical care and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #government #money #theaters #sports #stadium #care #education
Most people believe that
curtural
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cultural
 and sports should get more attention from administration,
however
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,however
show examples
 others advocate that healthcare and
education
 should be improved
insted
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instead
. In my view, medical services and
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system should be of more emphasis. Nowadays, some
believe
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belief
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 due to
lack
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a lack
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 of support from
government
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the government
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 there is a decline
of
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in
show examples
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 cultural and physical activities in society. Many of the important art forms have come to the point of end,
for
instance
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,instance
show examples
 some classical dances
especially
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,especially
show examples
 from
southern
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the southern
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 part of India.
Young
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The young
show examples
Correct your spelling
generation
genration
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generation
 is more into mobiles and less
in
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on
show examples
 sports or art which has resulted in many youths who are unaware of their history and has caused serious
damages
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damage
show examples
 to both their physical and mental health. So, there is a requirement of constructing
theaters
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theatres
show examples
 and stadiums to preserve one's heritage and health.
On the other hand
, many argue for the need
of
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for
show examples
 better medical care and
education
 system as these are of prime importance when it comes to the citizens of any country.
For example
, if we consider
the
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apply
show examples
Japan where the medical care and
education
is
Change the verb form
are
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 much better than
many
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in many
show examples
 countries, depicts the outcome of concentrating
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 these two
factor
Change to a plural noun
factors
show examples
 resulting just not in
Correct article usage
the developing
show examples
developing
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development
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the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
first
 humanoid in the world and new technologies but
also
 in the economy of the country because the better quality of the population will give better
work force
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workforce
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hence
 help in the development of a country.
Hence
,
better
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a better
show examples
 society is the outcome of
plenthora
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plethora
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investment
invesment
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investment
 in medicine and
education
. To conclude,
theaters
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theatres
show examples
 and sports
stadium
Fix the agreement mistake
stadiums
show examples
 do need more
monatery
Correct your spelling
monetary
 support from
government
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the government
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 but
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
show examples
 and
education
 sector requires much more investment since the healthier the population, in terms of knowledge and health the more likely
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
if
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 is to contribute to the nation.
Submitted by Fatima on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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