IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people say that the Government should not put money on building theaters and sports stadium. Others say that they should spend more money on medical care and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #government #money #theaters #sports #stadium #care #education
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Most people believe that
curtural
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cultural
 and sports should get more attention from administration,
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however
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,however
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 others advocate that healthcare and
education
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 should be improved
insted
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instead
. In my view, medical services and
Use synonyms
education
Correct article usage
the education
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 system should be of more emphasis. Nowadays, some
believe
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belief
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 due to
lack
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a lack
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 of support from
government
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the government
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 there is a decline
of
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in
show examples
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 cultural and physical activities in society. Many of the important art forms have come to the point of end,
for
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instance
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,instance
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 some classical dances
especially
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,especially
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 from
southern
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the southern
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 part of India.
Young
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The young
show examples
Correct your spelling
generation
genration
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generation
 is more into mobiles and less
in
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on
show examples
 sports or art which has resulted in many youths who are unaware of their history and has caused serious
damages
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damage
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 to both their physical and mental health. So, there is a requirement of constructing
theaters
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theatres
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 and stadiums to preserve one's heritage and health.
On the other hand
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, many argue for the need
of
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for
show examples
 better medical care and
education
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 system as these are of prime importance when it comes to the citizens of any country.
For example
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, if we consider
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Japan where the medical care and
education
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is
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are
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 much better than
many
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in many
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 countries, depicts the outcome of concentrating
of
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on
show examples
 these two
factor
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factors
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 resulting just not in
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the developing
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developing
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development
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the
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of the
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first
Linking Words
 humanoid in the world and new technologies but
also
Linking Words
 in the economy of the country because the better quality of the population will give better
work force
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workforce
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hence
Linking Words
 help in the development of a country.
Hence
Linking Words
,
better
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a better
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 society is the outcome of
plenthora
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plethora
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investment
invesment
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investment
 in medicine and
education
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. To conclude,
theaters
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theatres
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 and sports
stadium
Fix the agreement mistake
stadiums
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 do need more
monatery
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monetary
 support from
government
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the government
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 but
healthcare
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the healthcare
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 and
education
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 sector requires much more investment since the healthier the population, in terms of knowledge and health the more likely
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it
show examples
if
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 is to contribute to the nation.
Submitted by Fatima on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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