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In many countries, sports and exercise classes are replaced with the academic subjects. Discuss the effects of this trend.

#countries #sports #exercise #classes #subjects #effects #trend
Over the past few decades, academic
subjects
 have become increasingly important in
this
 fast-changing information-based society. Nowadays, there has been a growing debate as to whether it would be more effective to replace physical
education
 classes with academic
subjects
. Despite the importance of sports, I highly believe that it is inevitable and more efficient to focus more on academic
subjects
 for several reasons. Those who argue that sports and exercise classes are needed in school base their case on the following arguments. First of all, sports are a good way to build character and develop personality.
That is
, there are necessary for learning about competition, cooperation, and good sportsmanship.
In addition
, as a majority of children these days are addicted to the Internet, they find it hard to leave their
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
.
Consequently
, a growing number of children are becoming overweight or obese
due to
 a lack of exercise. So, if schools foster an environment that deprives students of getting a proper physical
education
, it will have a long-term negative effect on children both mentally and physically.
Nevertheless
, people should not ignore the fact that devoting more time and energy to academic
subjects
 will benefit students more in the long run. The time devoted to physical
education
 now would be better spent teaching students English.
This
 is because speaking fluent English will give young people an advantage over other college applicants and job seekers in the near future.
Besides
, science will undoubtedly benefit youth more than physical
education
 as well. The principles learned in science will provide the necessary foundation for solving
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
difficult problems that are sure to arise in students’ futures. In summary, there are high hopes that educators and parents exercise wisdom in teaching young generations.
Submitted by Sabina Hamisi on

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task response
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. However, there is a need to provide more specific examples to support the main points. Focus on developing more detailed examples and linking ideas more explicitly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-developed and effectively frame the essay. However, the overall coherence can be improved by using more cohesive devices to link ideas and provide clearer transitions between paragraphs. Work on using transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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