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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays there are many television advertisements aimed at children. What effects do they have on children? Should TV advertising be controlled?

#television #advertisements #children #effects #tv
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A recent study shows that more and more
advertisements
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 on TV or the internet tend to market to
children
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. Abundant influences will appear on the
children
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, not only the physical but
also
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 the mental problem.
Consequently
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, there are two main reasons that can cause the
issue
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 and why the action of
children
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's preference advertising should be restricted. The primary concerns regarding possible effects on
children
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 will be their values and emotional problems.
To begin
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 with, the advertisement will enlarge
children
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's desire, making them ask their parents to buy the specific
products
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.
As a result
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,
this
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 consumption pattern transforms
children
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’s values. As for emotional problems, it is undeniable that
children
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 may be influenced if they cannot acquire what they ask for.
For example
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, the song advertising must be brainwashed, which has adverse effects
such
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 as anger or excitement. To wrap up the above reasons, we should pay more attention to the
issue
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 of
children
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's advertising. In my opinion, TV advertising should be controlled
due to
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 the consumption of specific
products
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 and
children
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's health. First and foremost,
advertisements
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 aimed at
children
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 will repeat the slogan or song to make an impression on them, which will cause
children
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 to consume specific
products
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 to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 their preferences.
Moreover
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, based on previous reasons,
this
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 leads to another problem:
children
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’s health. Research from a prestigious company in Australia shows that
children
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's exposure to specific drinks or food
advertisements
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 will increase their consumption of relative
products
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.
As a result
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, if
children
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 were stuck in a fast food advertisement, they would have a chance to ingest unnecessary ingredients, harming their health. In conclusion,
advertisements
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 aimed at
children
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 influence society. The critical effects of
this
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issue
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 are
children
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’s values and emotional problems.
Moreover
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, the action forces
children
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 to buy specific
products
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, resulting in the consequence of taking in unhealthy ingredients.
Therefore
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, the
issue
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 with the
advertisements
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 to market to
children
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 should be considered and controlled.
Submitted by cba8887 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to differentiate the essay structure clearly into paragraphs and ensure each paragraph has a clear main point that is expanded upon.
task achievement
While you cover various aspects of the topic, make sure to go into more depth with a couple of clear, detailed examples rather than several broad ones.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that frames the essay well.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the prompt effectively, discussing both the effects of advertisements and the need for control.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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