IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The best way for the government to solve the traffic congestion problems in cities is to provide free bus service 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Concerns about traffic congestion have led to calls for the government to run public transportation,
such
Linking Words
 as buses, around the clock and free of charge. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea.
While
Linking Words
 it reduces private car use, a system of lower fares would be a better option for sustainable development in the long run. First and foremost,
this
Linking Words
 development reduces the tendency to use private cars. When
bus
Use synonyms
 services are always available, people may prefer to use them because they are more convenient and affordable.
Linking Words
This
Fix the agreement mistake
These
show examples
 reductions
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 roads less congested, as private cars are one of the main contributors to traffic congestion. In Jakarta,
for example
Linking Words
, private cars account for almost half of the vehicles on the road during commuting hours.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they should spend more time travelling,
whereas
Linking Words
 commuting by
bus
Use synonyms
 is less time-consuming.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, offering free
bus
Use synonyms
 services to all passengers could result in long-term operational difficulties.
This
Linking Words
 is mostly because it relies heavily on limited government subsidies, despite the ongoing need to fund
bus
Use synonyms
 operations and staff salaries.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Suroboyo
Bus
Use synonyms
, which
initially
Linking Words
 offered free rides, only survived for two years
due to
Linking Words
 a lack of maintenance costs.
As a result
Linking Words
, the operator had to introduce small fares for passengers, except for pregnant women, elderly people, and those with disability.
This
Linking Words
 change allows them to continue operating.
Therefore
Linking Words
, providing a completely free service appears unrealistic, especially for 24-hour operations. In conclusion, the availability of non-stop
bus
Use synonyms
 services indeed helps to reduce traffic congestion problems.
However
Linking Words
, making fares free is unrealistic and increases the risk of long-term operational disruptions.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar and flow
Fix small grammar errors and use simple, clear ways to link ideas so the writing flows better.
structure
Give each main idea its own paragraph and add a bit more detail to support it.
lexical
Use only very common words so the writing keeps to the top 100 list and is easy to read.
task response
The writer shows a clear stance from start to end.
evidence
Real examples are used to back up ideas.
coherence
There is a clear flow and good order in how the ideas are set out.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • traffic congestion
  • public transport
  • urban areas
  • carbon emissions
  • commuters
  • sustainable funding
  • infrastructure
  • congestion charges
  • environmentally friendly
  • accessibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: