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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts shows numbers of UK tourists visiting two countries from 2010 to 2013.

The charts shows numbers of UK tourists visiting two countries from 2010 to 2013.
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The bar graph illustrates the number of
travellers
Use synonyms
 visiting either
Thailand
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 or
Greece
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 over four
year
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period
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, both countries saw drops and increases in tourism over time.
Although
Linking Words
Thailand
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 saw an initial downturn, visiting
travellers
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 rose
period
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 on
period
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thereafter
Linking Words
.
Greece
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 saw a big fluctuation in the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of people arriving in their country throughout the
period
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. The total
figure
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 of
travellers
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 of UK tourists visiting
Thailand
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 in 2010 stood at 3.5 million, considerably higher than
Greece
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 at that time.
However
Linking Words
, in the following
period
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,
this
Linking Words
 statistic dropped by around 500000 people, which was lower than
Greece
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's
figure
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 that same
year
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. From here on, the numbers gradually rose by 500000
holiday
Change to a plural noun
holidays
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 per
year
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, resulting in a final total of 400000 people visiting
Thailand
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 in 2013.
This
Linking Words
 was
also
Linking Words
 the highest amount of yearly holiday in the
four-yearyear
Correct your spelling
four-year year
four-year-year
 span.
Greece
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's total sum of visits made to the country fluctuated largely through the four years. Beginning in 2010, the total amount of visits by UK
travellers
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 stood at 2.5 million.
This
Linking Words
 rocketed to slightly under 4.5 thousand visits in 2011.
Then
Linking Words
 in the following
year
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,
this
Linking Words
figure
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 dropped massively, to around 1.800thousand. ,
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
show examples
 by 2013, the total amount of UK tourists visiting
Greece
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 increased to 300 thousand visitors, a million below the total
figure
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 of tourists to
Thailand
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words travellers, thailand, greece, year, period, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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