Write a letter to local council regarding the plan of replacement of a library with a supermarket, you need to write the following: -where did you get this information -the disadvantages of having a supermarket instead of a library -importance of having a library

#council #plan #replacement #library #supermarket #-where #information #-the #-importance

Dear Sir/Madam, Being one of the members of your Whitehorse community, I am writing to express my worry regarding the news I read in today's newspaper, the Australia

times

Capitalize word

Times

show examples

. It explained that the existing private

library

is being demolished with the construction of a supermarket.

Hence

, making our suburb more commercial, modern and

well facilitated

Add a hyphen

well-facilitated

show examples

While

this

is the case, I am disheartened and would like to share my views that may help you to reconsider, if you may. As you may know, there are a lot of local shops

such

as cafes, restaurants, and convenience stores that have been catering to our suburbs and have been trying to grow their small businesses over

years

Correct article usage

the years

show examples

now. Another concern could be senior citizens who can't travel far distances on their own rather, prefer quiet time in the

library

and will have to sit at home to enjoy their private day

while

reading. Even though supermarkets will make it easy to acquire necessities from one place, they cause more damage to not only the ownership of local businesses (by offering competitive prices) but

also

its people. The

library

on the other hand

, is meant to be a place full of information and means of learning and exploring through reading all kinds of books, journals and articles.

In addition

to that, it's a great place for young kids and even grown-ups who

instead

of staying at the school

for completing

Change preposition

to complete

show examples

their assignments, can stay in the local

library

as it's well facilitated and segregated for different age groups.

Moreover

, can rest at home. The other Advantage would be contributing towards social and local engagement and a sense of placemaking. I hope my suggestions and views will be of much help to reconsider for its people. Kindly, let me know if I could contribute in any manner possible. Looking forward to hearing from you! Yours sincerely, Shagun Rodhe

Submitted by shagun.rodhe on Wed Jul 06 2022

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task response

Ensure that the greeting and closing are more formal and appropriate for an official letter. The greeting should use a title and last name (e.g. 'Dear Mr. Smith'). The closing should be more formal, such as 'Yours faithfully' if you do not know the name of the person you are writing to, or 'Yours sincerely' if you do. Ensure that the letter is structured in a way that responds fully to the task prompt, addressing all the required points in detail.

coherence cohesion

The letter lacks a coherent structure and connection between ideas. Ensure that each paragraph presents a clear main idea and supports that idea with relevant details. Consider using transition words and phrases to connect the ideas more clearly and improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the letter.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

8 paragraphs

314 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Write a letter to local council regarding the plan of replacement of a library with a supermarket, you need to write the following: -where did you get this information -the disadvantages of having a supermarket instead of a library -importance of having a library

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have healthy diet. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, owning home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situations?

Some people think the government should subsidise fruit and vegetables to make healthy food more affordable. Others argue that the government should tax unhealthy food instead. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Successful sport professionals can earn a great deal more money than other people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it's unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.