Some people say the main way to be happy in liffe os to have a lot of money. How might haveing a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

#people #liffe #os #money #life

According to some individuals, having a huge amount of

money

is the main

cause

happiness

. There are many reasons that make

people

happy when they are rich,

however

, there are other things as well that might

cause

happiness

. To start with, financial support causes

happiness

for most

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people

because by its availability

people

will not worry about their future ,particularly

parents

. In fact,

parents

usually carry a lot of tension and

always

Add a missing verb

are always

show examples

stressed out because of their concern about their kid’s future.

For example

, the education fees nowadays cost a fortune from the

parents

just to educate one of their kids.

Thus

, all

money

-related problems will not be an issue when

parents

have enough funds to promise their kids a secured future and

as a result

, a peaceful mind with no worries.

However

money

is not the only thing that makes individuals happy. Another factor that can

cause

happiness

in one’s life is

Add an article

show examples

success since it is considered a fundamental thing that helps to build a confident and fearless personality. To illustrate, when a person is responsible and has the ability to live independent from his parent, that would

consequently

lead to self-satisfaction.

Hence

, a successful, financial intelligent person who can face difficulties

Change preposition

show examples

his own. It is as important as

money

since, without awareness,

money

would not

last

for long. To conclude, for some

people

the main

cause

happiness

is being rich.

Although

having enough

money

would bring joy in many ways, it is not the only reason that causes

happiness

. There are many other important aspects in life that can bring

happiness

as well as successfulness

Submitted by Simsima161 on Thu Jul 07 2022

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

271 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say the main way to be happy in liffe os to have a lot of money. How might haveing a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

1-Museums and art galleries should focus on works that show the history and culture of their own country rather than works of other parts of the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people now undertake extreme activities, from hang-gliding to mountain climbing. Why do people risk their lives in this way, and do you think this is a good trend?

In some countries, many people do not have enough money to access the Internet. Should governments be responsible for ensuring that everyone can get access to the Internet?