Write a letter to a financial organization that gives money to students who would like to take part-time course. Mention - Qualification and work experience -Details abut the course -How this course will help you

#organization #money #students #course #qualification #work #-details #abut #-how

Dear Sir, I am writing

this

letter to ask you about the money that I am planning to borrow from your organisation to continue my part-time

course

in hospitality. I have met the requirements of

this

particular study in regard to qualifications and experience.

Moreover

this

is not a full-time program and, it lasts only for 4 months. As

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

I am working in a food court, it would be easy for me to pursue

this

course

because I have to attend classes once a week only and, most of the

course

stuff would be online

such

as daily tasks and assignments.

Last

but not least, I would like to explain the benefits that I am going to get after the completion of the

course

First,

it would provide me with a chance to work with big hotels to explore and learn new techniques and, skills. I am looking forward to getting your response and, thank you for giving me your precious time. Yours faithfully, Talwinder Singh.

Submitted by sandhuarsh1320 on Wed Mar 13 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme or message. While your letter mostly adheres to this, a more detailed separation of ideas could further enhance clarity and impact.

coherence cohesion

In terms of coherence, linking words and transitions can be used more effectively to guide the reader through your letter seamlessly. Consider enhancing connections between paragraphs and sentences to reinforce the flow of your narrative.

task achievement

Your response directly addresses the prompts given, which is excellent. To further improve, consider adding more detailed examples of how the course aligns with your career goals or prior experiences for a more compelling argument.

task achievement

Maintain the formal tone consistent throughout the letter. Although your letter generally adheres to this, watch for informal phrases or colloquial language that might slip in. A professional tone supports your appeal more strongly.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

7 paragraphs

166 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

academic background
relevant work experience
commitment
field of study
part-time course
institution
duration
career goals
acquire new skills
enhance knowledge
financial assistance
pursue
summarizing
reiterating

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Write a letter to a financial organization that gives money to students who would like to take part-time course. Mention - Qualification and work experience -Details abut the course -How this course will help you

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in science research, business and academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

The world has many towns and cities constructed in previous centuries that were more suitable and liveable for people in those times than they are now. What problems will this cause? What can be done to solve these problems?

More young people in the workforce change their jobs or careers every few years. What are the reasons for this? Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?