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Band 5

Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #time
It is often argued that working overtime may widen the economic stability of a particular
country
.
However
, I strongly disagree with
this
 notion because it may affect detrimentally to the
country
's financial side.
This
 essay comprises the facts behind my disagreement; followed by a logical conclusion.
Firstly
, the crucial fact that supports my side is,
working
Correct word choice
that working
show examples
 reasonable
hours
 per week causes to have a proper work-life balance. To elucidate, if someone is working over-time daily basis,
then
 they will hard to find spare time to spend with their family. As a consequence of
this
, people will lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
happiness which makes them mentally unhealthy and
this
 directly affects
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the economy of the
country
.
This
 is because the government will have to allocate a lot of portions of the budget to the health sector.
Therefore
, working long period is not favourable in terms of economically.
Secondly
, the efficiency of workers may lessen owing to continuously working. To be more precise, when someone is working more than 10
hours
 per day, those employees are highly unlikely to focus their attention on what they are doing.
Moreover
, it is
way
Add an article
a way
the way
show examples
 of wasting time.
For example
, in Finland, a plethora of companies are opened only 30
hours
 per week, and the employees are efficiently doing whatever they are assigned to do.
Furthermore
, Finland is
well-developed
Correct article usage
a well-developed
show examples
 and economically
strength
Replace the word
strong
show examples
 state.
That is
 why short working time is more important. To conclude, it is a no-brainer to say that
long-hour
Correct article usage
a long-hour
show examples
 working system is harmful to the economic side due to the fact that,
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduces
show examples
 work efficiency and
unbalancing
Wrong verb form
unbalances
show examples
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 and life.
Hence
, I strongly disagree to work long
hours
 as
this
 negatively affects the financial sector of the
country
.
Submitted by prasadhansa0 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic success
  • working hours
  • productivity
  • sustainable development
  • work-life balance
  • labor laws
  • efficiency
  • gross domestic product (GDP)
  • burnout
  • occupational health
  • technological innovation
  • industrialized nations
  • emerging economies
  • workforce
  • competitiveness
  • workplace culture
  • employee turnover
  • quality of life
What to do next:
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