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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Living in big cities is bad for health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#cities #health
Leading a life in large
cities
 is considered to be bad for both mental and physical health. There are different perspectives, particularly on
this
 issue.
This
 essay will discuss, To what extent we agree or disagree in the following paragraphs with relevant examples.
To Begin
 with pollution, people living in these big
cities
 usually spend half of their day in the traffic.
Due to
 the rapid increase in the population, traffic has been the major issue in these
cities
. Despite introducing various ways of transport
such
 as metro trains the issue has not been sorted.
For Instance
, In Bangalore, it takes more than three hours to travel five
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
 of the distance. The other reason is frequent construction and the air has been polluted and become harmful for the residents. There are incidents reported lately of children being hospitalized
due to
 bad air quality and low oxygen levels.
In addition
 to the above reasons mentioned, there are some benefits to
this
 statement as well. One of the major reasons is job opportunities are high compared to other rural
cities
. Top companies usually hire candidates within 20 to 30
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
 of the radius of office premises. More number of schools and colleges in main
cities
 with different options. People can experience a luxurious life
due to
 increase in the technology. In conclusion, I would like to say that I agree with the statement that, living in big
cities
 is bad for health. The taxes are being increased and
as a result
, it affects mental health. Poor quality of the food is available for our children.
Submitted by sunj on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. Expand the conclusion to summarize the main points and restate your opinion more forcefully.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on developing a logical structure that guides the reader clearly from the introduction through to the conclusion. Use linking words and phrases to show the connections between ideas.
Task Achievement
Provide more detailed support for your main points with specific examples and explanations. Use real-life instances or statistics where appropriate to strengthen your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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