IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
It is undeniable that due to long working hours,
people
 do not have enough
time
 for their leisure activities. It has many disadvantages ,which I am going to discuss in the following paragraphs. Indeed, because of the hectic schedules,
people
 have very less hours for other curricular activities which can create many health issues in their
life
 . They
work
 all day and have no
time
 to relax and to do exercise , which could lead to serious diseases like obesity, depression, and anxiety.
For example
, recent research shows that
people
 who
work
 the whole day by sitting in one place can become obese and could face many health problems like heart attacks.
Further
 fortifying,
this
 situation could
also
 disturb the family relations as individuals are busy in their
work
 and are unable to spend quality
time
 with their kith and kin , which may result in creating distance among family relationships and sometimes children become rebels because they do not have any kind of fear of their parents .
For instance
, wards whose parents are working can become more irresponsible towards their studies due to their parent's absence. On the other side,every coin has two sides, working for longer hours helps humans to earn more money ,
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
 a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
, they could buy everything and provide better education to their kids . Their standards of living could
also
 get improved , in
this
 way they could give a luxurious
life
 to their family easily and have a lot of savings for future like doing extra
work
 in their early
life
 could help them in their old ages. In conclusion,
although
work
 is very inevitable to live a better
life
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
overwork could have negative impacts on health as well as family relations.
People
 should definitely give free
time
 to themselves in order to do other activities or to pursue their hobbies.
Submitted by Kaurgurinder1905 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
What to do next:
Look at other essays: